For the past couple of years, I've been out-of-the-loop - when it comes to sophisticated high-speed travel - at least.
On trips to Vegas, I usually drive at a leisurely pace, for instance.
For longer stints that would normally require a night over, I often treat myself to a "sleeper" on Amtrak, savoring every "old-world" aspect of the trip.
But, for some inexplicable reason, I got the urge out-of-the-blue to take flight this week, not unlike a bird that flutters up and wings south without rhyme or reason.
So, I hopped on the Internet to check out the offerings.
With the tap of a key, I was confronted with a glut of snazzy ads, promising me this 'n that.
"$49.00 to Vegas" - one eye-catching pop-up screamed out - as it floated across the laptop screen aimlessly.
But, when I inputted the data to my dream get-away-spot, the low-priced airfares were as elusive as Joaquin Phoenix on a slow talk show night on CBS.
For the most part, the tickets topped out (after surcharges and applicable taxes were tacked on) at over twice that.
A quick investigation determined that this - or any other fly boy, for that matter - would have to book "no frills", well-in-advance, and at an unGodly hour - to take advantage of the heavenly deals the airlines were allegedly offering up.
In fact, as I scoured the Internet for reasonable rates, I got the distinct impression that all the major carriers were engaged in an outright conspiracy, with the ultimate aim of maintaining a stranglehold on prices geared to meet the bottom line.
For example, when I proceeded to compare the cost of a handful of flights with the same specific set of criteria - such as time, location, and date - in every instance but one (out of the ten selected) the ticket price was exactly the same!
Should I tempt fate?
I closed my eyes - jabbed my finger at the screen - and landed on Southwest Airlines.
Peanuts, anyone?
The flight on the "little airline that could" intrigued me for a myriad of reasons from the get-go.
For starters, computer-savvy travellers were invited to participate in the process, by simply keying in a few bites of data.
From the comfort of home, I was able to print out a boarding pass, and avoid a line snaking along the crowded concourse at the terminal gate.
A tip worth paying heed to?
Double-check the settings on the printer to ensure that frames are included - otherwise - the page will be spit out with a lot of gobbly-gook on its face.
In that event, start over!
Or, head straight for the snotty airline clerk at check-in when you arrive at the airport, to snatch up a proper one that passes muster with security.
The idea of "herding" has been taken to a new level at Southwest, too.
Under the guise of being a device to speed up boarding, management has elected to facilitate the "open seat" plan.
Uh-huh.
No "assigned seats".
Guaranteed!
In plain old English?
Get ready for a free-for-all at the gate.
Once the cabin attendant calls out a section, passengers dig in their heels - and stampede forward - as they scoure the interior terrain for a comfy bucket seat without kiddie-pooh smellin' up the place.
Yes!
Fly the unruly skies at Southwest!
Moreso, when a planned merger with another big-time discount carrier (AirTran) is sealed on the tarmac later this year.
By the way - did I mention that over at the United Airlines website - bookers were attempting to lure well-heeled jet-setters (with cash and time to burn) their way with promise of extra space?
"Blue dots" on the diagrams for cabin seating, for instance, denote seats with more space.
Yes, Sir!
For ten bucks extra, the penny-pinching air carrier will book 'ya a seat up-front, with extra leg room to accommodate excess baggage.
God forbid, Southwest picks up on the thrift trend.
Passengers will be munching on half a peanut and sipping on water melted fresh off-the-wing, as they dangle their legs outside the window, out of sight of Jet Blue's wings.
What next?
Stand-up seats for short flights?
"Ya heard it here first, folks.
Amtrak sleeper car!
