Julian Ayrs 1st Annual 10 Worst-Dressed list! Cher, Oprah, and...catwalk catcalls!

Michelle sprints to podium to snatch up Best-Dressed prize!

Busty congestion & hooker lips puts Oprah on worst-dressed!

Mr. Blackwel king of the haiku quip!

One fashion victim is a Cleopatra wanna-be - another - an awkward jumble of fetish and purity.

Without doubt, the out-of-step painted ladies, are worthy candidates for the much-anticipated 1st Annual 10 worst-dressed list of 2008.

On the flip side, there is a silver lining, though.

In contrast to the red-carpet disasters aforementioned, a bevy of beauties at the other end of a chic spectrum, trip-the-catwalk fantastically with elegance and style.

So, with a nod to Mr. Blackwell, I am introducing a scintillating 10 Best-Dressed list in tandem with a "worst"-dressed run-down on the flip side.

Mr. Blackwell – a celebrated fashion designer – passed to spirit earlier this year.

During the course of his rich full life - the mischievous man with the laughing eyes achieved wide acclaim in the arena of Women’s Wear - having dressed a handful of high-society patrons, Nancy Reagan among them.

But, it was a fluky offer that descended out-of-the-blue one fine day that forever cemented his name in exclusive fashion circles.

Rising to the task of naming the best and worst dressed women in America for a features editor, the visionary fashion icon scored a big hit with the media, fashion designers, and the public alike.

In the form of a Haiku barb, Blackwell managed to astutely capture the essence of a subject’s fashion savvy, and the caustic fashion quip was born.

Several weeks ago, after penning a post on Fashion Tips, I was singled out by a blogger on the Internet as "the next Mr. Blackwell”.

A former model (who segued into fashion writing) I jumped into the fray with glee, delighted to take on the challenge.

My column, Dressing Right, appeared in a daily (Southam News) in Vancouver (B.C.) and ably prepared me for the task at hand.

Although US, Star Magazine, and People recently singled out a gaggle of "best" and "worst" dressed femme fatales this past week at year’s end, there were a couple of problems with their assessments, in my opinion.

For starters, the editors focused the spotlight on expensive gowns worn at high-profile functions or red-carpet events that did not accurately reflect the star’s individual style or taste. Indeed, the extravagant rentals, were getting the big push by up-and-coming fashion designers anxious to get noticed in the glare of all the Hollywood Tinsel.

Notwithstanding, gowns they plucked up from relative obscurity (Gee, where have I heard that expression before) were if-y choices. Whoever selected the entries knew nothing about fashion.

Heidi Klum, for instance, was propped up in a self-indulgent number memorable for its vulgar overuse of fabric.

Secondly, swooping down on a celebrity out-of-the-blue – without any context or hint of a fashion history to refer to – is a definite no-no when it comes to determining an individual’s style and fashion savvy.

A "best"-dressed candidate’s placement on such a list cries out for a number of key factors to take into consideration – body shape, complexion, lifestyle, consistent displays of fashion sensibilities to-and-from work, picking up the kids at school, at Hollywood premieres, and so forth and so on.

With that in mind, I plunged ahead and rustled up right-on-the-money 10 Worst-dressed and 10 Best-dressed lists for 2008.

10 Worst-Dressed Women (2008)

Cher
(Vegas Songbird)

A Cleopatra wanna-be mummified in 70’s fashion formaldehyde.

Paris Hilton
(poor little rich girl)

A Swedish milk maid gone amok at Frederick's of Hollywood.

Lindsay Lohan
(Party Girl Extraordinaire)

A pasty fur tart with all-the-wild-eyed innocence of a "tina" junkie.

Stripped down, on the down low, a sleazy sexpot without any gams or glam!

Emma Thompson
(stand-out fashion crimes against the Nation)

An over-ripe ingénue wrapped in swirls of bargain-basement K-Mart sheets, prone to tease with hooter-style booby-traps up top.

Oprah Winfrey
(pictured above)

Gifted gabber with no talent for playing "dress up”

A puffy éclair cinched in at the cream-filled middle with a zesty crown of chocolate shavings on top, one day, a jilted bride dashing home barefoot to gorge on southern fried chicken, the next

Sigourney Weaver
(a gangly spaced-out melodrama)

In one red-carpet appearance, appeared for all-the-world like a beanstalk with peek-a-boo limbs.

The gutsy machine-gun toter, for the most part, is alien to any fashion sensibilities past present or future.

Whoopi Goldberg
(court Jester or clown Prince?)

A grand lady of comedy in a hefty bag – punctuated with off-the-wall ties and bland layers of lackluster fabric on a secret mission to conceal congealing fat folds, that lurk beneath a gruff surface.

Even a gown (?) on the mannish mannequin is a fashion victim disaster no matter how you cut the cloth.

Pamela Anderson
(VIP for the Tattoo set)

Never one to be upstaged by a feather boa, the sexy siren is a flesh pot top-heavy babe, with hints of Bridget Bardot in a disappearing garment act.

Barbara Streisand
(Golden pipes and snoz for schlock)

A bellowing shrew keen on political top notes, swaddling in cutesy little girl fantasies in an upbeat make-up mood one day, prone to end up languishing like a beached whale in the shifting sands of Malibu, on another.

Ellen DeGenerres
(page boy with snappy shoes!)

A throwback look which harkens back to the dykes of the sixties - sparked up with cool argyle sweaters, polyester slacks in bland shades, and snappy sensible shoes - crowned with a butch haircut sure to attract any lipstick lesbo.

10 Best-Dressed

Nicole Kidman
(cruising without Top Gun to lofty heights)

A risk-taker from down under, occasionally over the top, who is often prompted to venture into wild couture territory on the heels of some whimsical fashion trend she's uncovered.

Invariably, Kidman successfully carries off the exploratory probe with her own inimitable style.

Michelle Obama
(pictured above)

Though crowned Blackie "O" by cynical fashionistas, Obama's hubby is "no" Jackie Kennedy by any stretch of the fabric.

Comfortable in her fashion skin, individual in her style, the 1st Lady elect always manages to pull off a casual chic befitting a carefully-constructed image, sure to fall short of ever embarrassing any self-respecting American. (photo above)

Candis Cayne
(Dirty Sexy Money)

A statuesque swirl of sensual style - showy, sexy - sure to turn heads when she sashays into the room.

Ariana Huffington
(Queen of the Blogosphere)

A thoroughbred sensibility with a keen eye towards a practical business "look", Huffington can mix 'n match with the best of 'em - and in the process - light up the world of rich media, faces of mealy-mouthed moguls, and fawning bloggers around the net.

Kathleen Quinlan
(Never promised a rose garden)

Subtly attired in ensembles for a woman of a certain age, Kathleen is a shining example of how to highlight assets without maxing 'em out in designer duds too splashy for a specific occasion.

Kate Bosworth
(Stylish lady)

A beauty with brains.

A midas touch when it comes to pushing a fashion envelope that excites! tittilates! Wows!

A role model for starlets chomping at the bit in pursuit of elusive fame.

Elaine Wynn
(Queen of the Desert)

A down-to-earth fairy-tale Princess in charge of her tactile senses.

With a dollop of luxury, and a modicum of fashion savvy, Mrs. Wynn trots the jet-set gangplank with understated elegance, individual style, and with a poise that is unmatched on the Vegas strip (and elsewhere).

Penelope Cruz
(exotic gem!)

Petite, pretty, and radiating youth and vitality, Ms. Cruz likewise steps into a fashion sensibility daily that sets her apart from other talents reaching for the brass ring.

An exotic gem with the world at her feet.(and a posse of men, no doubt)

J Lo
(the other half of a fated duo)

A flowering fashion icon with a flair for the feminine, a flourish for fabric and color, the dishy dame matures every day like a fine bottle of wine!

Kim Kardashian
(a flair for adventure in fashion)

High-spirited clothes horse that packs a wallop in the charm department. With an intuitive fashion sense under her wing, Kim pushes the limits not only in an adventurous way, but with the ultimate aim of avoiding faddish threads that might otherwise tarnish her polished image

http://www.julianayrs.com/

*Men's Worst-dressed list unveiled February 1st!

Oprah Winfrey...1 of 10 worst-dressed women in America!

Oprah, you're supposed to wear the gown, not carry it!

Well, the clock is ticking away, and we're getting down to the nitty gritty as 2008 fades into oblivion!

On December 31st, my 1st Annual 10 Worst-Dressed list (in tandem with the scintillating 10 Best-Dressed) will be unveiled.

With a nod to the King of Haiku Fashion barbs, Mr. Blackwell!

Cruise by and check out who will strut down the fashion-victim catwalk with the likes of talk-show-host gabber extraordinaire, Oprah Winfrey.

Just a teaser, folks!

As Coco Chanel once astutely opined:

"A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous."

Cruise on by on New Year's eve when it is revealed who was and who wasn't, dahlink!

Julian Ayrs 1st Annual 10 Worst-Dressed list gives nod to Mr. Blackwell

(undisputed King of caustic quips)

http://www.julianayrs.com

Mr. Blackwell...10 worst-best list to unveil January 1st!

Queen of tacky exposed...


A few days ago, after I posted a piece on fashion tips, a blogger on the Internet speculated that just maybe I was going to follow in Mr. Blackwell's jaded couture footsteps.

Well, those are tough heels to fill!

The man was a whiz at caustic one-line jabs capable of sending any dour old puss into gales of laughter.

Let's face it, Mr. Blackwell artfully crafted exacting quips into a unique form of high-fashion Haiku - the effects of which - are still felt long after the style maven passed away into that great fashion house in the sky.

After reflecting upon the matter a tad - and encountering a handful of fashion disasters on the red carpet at the AFI Fest this past week in Tinsel Town - I've hastened to forge ahead and throw together a fashion victim list to premiere on January 1st (2009).

So - strutting starlets, Hollywood wannabees, and aging Divas - be forewarned.


Between now and then, I'll be scouring the Internet, gossip rags, and red carpets for candidates worthy of Fashion Icon Status - of the negative ilk - for my 1st Worst-Dressed list.






I may even saunter into the Villa or Koi after-hours to catch a disheveled celebrity or two in their natural habitat letting it all hang out!


At this juncture - the K-Mart bargain basement patterned sheet that actress Emma Thompson wrapped around her pudgy silhouette for the premiere of the new feature - "Last Chance Harvey" - is a prime contender for a sizzling hot spot front-row-and-center!

In addition to that tacky misstep, a fashion burp worn by a Hollywood cutie who appears as a regular on a National TV Drama, is running a close second right about now.

Of course, there will be a top 10 best-dressed list; but frankly, I expect it will not garner the ecstatic attention the other end of the spectrum will attract, if only for amusement's sake.

Need I say more, Cher?

Barack Obama...fashion tips for stylish entrance on World Stage!

Because I was a fashion writer with a major daily, I couldn't help but notice in the morning TIMES that Obama's suit was looking a little rumpled.

A tough day? No excuse!

Now that Mr. Obama will be meeting with leaders in the political arena and sauntering out onto the World Stage, it is of paramount importance that he make a stylish impression.

The heck with what he thinks!

So, here are some fashion tips for Obama and the rest of you dudes pining to step up the Corporate ladder.

First, never wear a "Dress Suit" jacket with jeans. The look jars the sensibilities and often conjures up scorn from the top levels of management and big Government. (Royalty, too)

When you are properly suited up take care of the finer points of dressing, too.

For instance, the tie should not be too long or too short; in fact, the tip of it should fall at waist level right at the "belt" line.

The cuff of your dress shirt should also fall crisply about 1/2 inch below the jacket sleeve - no more - no less.

To avoid looking like you came from the wrong side of the tracks, never press your dress pants with the hot iron directly on the fabric - otherwise - you'll end up with an unsightly shine in the pants. Very Tacky. (cheap-looking, too)

Most importantly, the cuff of your pant leg should break - just so - at the front of your dress shoe. For this reason, it may be wise to take the loafer you'll be wearing to the tailor when the cuff is hemmed to ensure precision in this regard.
(Obama, you need a keen eye, here)

Never wear a boutonniere and a pocket handkerchief at the same time - strictly verboten. Along the same line of thinking, please note that teaming up suspenders with a belt is considered redundant, so avoid the buttressing like the trendy fashion plague that it is.

And, it would be wise to listen up in respect to shoes, too. Never wear brown shoes with a black suit. Also, be sure to ban white socks from a dress suit ensemble. If not, diplomats will be looking at your feet - instead of your handsome face - at formal dinners in foreign nations.

Potential Execs would be wise to take note that the big honcho often looks at the feet first as a test of character. If the shoes are properly buffed and shined - unscuffed and not broken down at the heels - you'll make your way up the corporate ladder - faster than you can utter "Donald Trump".

With an eye to the White House, Obama pay attention, too.

For sure, don't go overboard with any controlled clashing of patterns.

The quirky idea was a trend for a while, but generally the rule of thumb is this: if you're not experienced with mixing and matching techniques, stick with one pattern and two plains (solid colors).

For instance, if the tie is patterned, harmonize it with a plain jacket and a plain shirt so that the colors and textures offset the cravat.

However, if there is a pattern in the jacket (even if it is only due to a noticeable texture in the fabric (ribbing in herringbone, for example) reach for a plain shirt.

Also, make sure the hues in the jacket and tie are complementary and the colors are coordinated and harmonized tastefully.

If you want to avoid another silly mistake, always take both pieces of a suit to the cleaners; otherwise - if one item is pressed more often than the other - it will fade and look unmatched - and thus - underscore your lack of fashion savvy.

By the way, it is generally uncouth to wear a sport jacket with blue jeans unless the denims are brand new and neatly pressed. Only wear grungy jeans with a broken-in corduroy jacket - with patches on the elbows, perhaps - to effect that campus or devil-may-care, Prof look.

Also, only wear one or two pieces of understated tasteful pieces of jewellery, like a quality watch and ring. None on the pinky finger, please!

Finally, avoid walking into the room with the overpowering scent of bar soap or Old Spice emanating from your person.

The women (in some cases, even the guys) will run the other way.

Remember, it's style - not the clothes - that make the man!



Zips, snaps, and designer flourishes date a piece of wardrobe.
Watch out, Barack. The Fashion Police will getcha.

Dressing right...male fashion faux pas!

I was channel surfing earlier today, when I stumbled on a TV show featuring a couple of local celebrities, and was aghast to spy more than one fashion faux pas!

In a column on menswear that I wrote for a daily newspaper - The Province - I often offered up tips so men grappling for the brass ring would have an advantage in the competitive world of business and commerce.

Since there appears to be a cry in the wilderness for help, here goes.

First, never wear a "Dress Suit" jacket with jeans; the look jars the sensibilities and often conjures up scorn from the top levels of management.

When you are properly suited up, take care of the finer points of dressing, too.

For instance, the tie should not be too long or too short; in fact, it should fall at waist level right at the "belt" line.

The cuff of your dress shirt should also fall crisply about 1/2 inch below the jacket sleeve. No more. No less.

To avoid looking like you came from the wrong side of the tracks, never press your dress pants with the hot iron directly on the fabric - otherwise - you'll end up with an unsightly shine in the pants. Tacky, and cheap-looking!

Most important!

The cuff of your pant leg should break - just so - at the front of your dress shoe. For this reason, it may be wise to take the shoe you'll be wearing to the tailor when the cuff is hemmed to ensure precision in this regard.

Never wear a boutonniere and a pocket handkerchief at the same time because it is strictly verboten. Along the same line of thinking, please note that teaming up suspenders with a belt is considered redundant, so avoid it like a trendy fashion plague.

And, it would be wise to listen up in respect to shoes, too; never wear brown shoes with a black suit.

Also, be sure to ban white socks from a dress suit ensemble.

You'd be wise to take note that a boss often looks at your feet first as a test of character. If the shoes are properly buffed and shined - unscuffed and not broken down at the heels - you'll make your way up the corporate ladder faster than you can say "Donald Trump".

For sure, don't go overboard with any controlled clashing of patterns.

The quirky idea was a trend for a while, but generally, the rule of thumb is this: if you're not experienced with mixing and matching techniques, stick with one pattern and two plains.

For instance, if the tie is patterned, harmonize it with a plain jacket and a plain shirt so that the colors and textures offset the cravat.

However, if there is a pattern in the jacket (even if it is only due to a noticeable texture in the fabric such as ribbing in herringbone) go for a plain shirt.

Also, make sure the hues in the jacket and tie are complementary and the colors are coordinated and harmonized tastefully.

If you want to avoid another silly mistake, always take both pieces of the suit to the cleaners for drycleaning; otherwise, if one item is pressed more often than the other, it will fade and look unmatched and underscore your lack of fashion savvy.

By the way, it is generally uncouth to wear a sport jacket with blue jeans, unless the denims are brand new and neatly pressed. Only wear grungy jeans with a broken-in corduroy jacket - maybe with patches on the elbows, for instance - to effect that campus or devil-may-care Prof look.

Finally, only wear one or two pieces of understated tasteful pieces of jewellery, like a quality watch and ring. None on the pinky finger, please.

And, avoid walking into the room with the overpowering scent of bar soap or Old Spice emanating from your person.

The women (in some cases, even the guys) will run the other way.

Remember, it's style - not the clothes - that make the man!