West Hollywood...humping in the streets!

What the?


I was driving up Edinburgh Street when I noticed something odd on the pavement ahead.

Just a few feet before an elevation in the road - a sign etched in the pavement in dazzling white bold-faced lettering - caught my eye.

Hump

Say what?

Maybe, I'd better grab my glasses - I thought to myself - as I scrutinized the road a little more carefully ahead.

Surely - the warning notice said bump - right?

Since time immemorial - after all - calculated rises in the road specifically designed to slow traffic (and in some cases tear out floorboards of those who bottom out after maintaining high speed) have been labelled (quite succinctly, I might add) bumps.

Since the days of my youth, in fact.

Perhaps some city worker was high on Tina after a night of humping at Flex - and quite by accident - etched the jarring off-beat word on the pavement by mistake?

Guys, it's a piece of cake.

Just paint over the faded lettering after vehicle traffic has crushed it into oblivion over time.

No need to reinvent a designated bump sign.

Or, maybe it's the fault of those anal-retentive Councilman over at City Hall?

Don't they have better things to do than sit around twiddling their di**s - trying to fathom a new-fangled way to unveil a bump in the road - that's okey-dokey just the way it is?

Surely, you've heard the old expression, fellas.

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it?"

What's next?

Pink caution signs at crosswalks?

As I cruised around the neighborhood, things got curiouser and curiouser.

Ah, lookie there!

A street sign warned about a safety hump ahead.

Yes, don't forget your rubbers when humping, motorists!

Another (a scant mile on) indicated there was a speed hump just down-a-ways.

For quickies on lunch break, I expect?

Now, I spied a twist to the whole hump scenario.

Indeed, now I was being enlightened about a dip, on the horizon.

I suppose a dip is the opposite of a hump?.

That's when you don't go in all the way, but just sort-of test the waters a bit?



Signs underscore the ongoing lunacy in sign erection these days

Parking Meters...new-fangled money-grabbing devices! Solar-powered in West Hollywood...

Parking Meters are big business today.

Years ago, drivers simply plopped their quarters into the slot - roughly calculated what to pay - then trundled on down the street.

It was a common site to witness a business man excusing himself from an interview to hastily run outside to plug some coins into the slot before the meter maid careened outside to a screeching stop.

Yes, many of us had to rely on the honesty of the Sheriff, if we wanted to avoid a ticket.

I witnessed an amusing scene one day when I went into a courtroom to contest a downed sign in Malibu.

When an elderly man's name was called out by the Bailiff, he shuffled up to the podium.

By his posture, it was quite evident that he was ready to do battle with the Judge.

When he barked out that the meter had 3 minutes on it, the Judge surprised everyone with her sympathetic response.

"Sir, if you came all the way down here and say there were three minutes left on the meter, I believe you. Case dismissed."

Everyone in the courtroom was ecstatic.

Maybe the rest of us would luck out, too.

In the old days, a driver could cruise around the neighbourhood looking for a meter that had not expired, scoot right into the spot, and save a few pennies.

Not nowadays!

In recent years, City Officials have introduced a new-fangled meter that has the capacity to issue tickets for the whole block. So, instead of a number of unsightly meters blotting the landscape, there is just one aesthetically-pleasing meter with a computer that prints a ticket according to the time-frame specified.


Unfortunately, this means there are no more free rides.

Also, the ticketing process is a whole lot more efficient.



Citizens can no longer play fast and loose and hope that the Meter Maid may be on lunch break.

In fact, I understand that the nifty little machine emits a signal that indicates when the time has expired. Chances are, parkers will only have a precious second or two to dawdle with, before the parking attendant dashes up with ticket book in hand.

West Hollywood and Beverly Hills recently unveiled a new meter known as FlexPay.

The state-of-the-art meters incorporate cutting-edge technology that provide convenient solutions such as ease of payment with a credit card. The system uses the same encryption technology that is used by banks and other financial institutions.

And, the meters are solar-powered.

What will they think of next?

Parking signs that transmit their restrictions telephathically to the driver?

If you want to avoid all this money-grubbing business, take the bus!