Kristen Stewart feels raped!
Judging by their strange behavior, I surmise that the recent heat wave that has descended on the city, has made these day workers balmy (slow on the uptake).
Just maybe, there is something in the water that rots their brains?
If so, bottled water appears to be a safe way to go right now.
Last night I trotted up to the Golden Gate to take advantage of their player's card special which - 'til now - offered up scrumptious shrimp cocktail (with cocktail sauce & crackers) at $1.00 a pop.
Uh-huh!
The diner recently ended that promotion - so I found myself chowing down on one serving for twice the price - that turned out be less tastier than the original one they used to flog at the busy counter.
As I scarfed down the snack, a five-foot-nothing security guard - who looked for all-the-world like he'd been boozing 'round the clock for the past forty years of his sorry life - strode up, stopped within two feet of my table, and proceeded to act in a bizarre manner.
In fact, his conduct was so stratling, that guests turned their heads quizzically this way 'n that, trying to fathom the dude's strange! behavior.
Obviously, he recognized moi, and was inclined to get an up-close gander.
Whenever I happened to glance in his direction - how could I not in view of the fact he was hovering over me rudely as I attempted to finish my snack - he turned his head nervously to avoid eye contact in a sly effort to avoid detection.
Fat chance!
He was a subtle as an elephant in heat!
How ironic!
The security guard the Hotel hired - ended up triggering feelings of insecurity and doubt in their guests - by virtue of lunatic conduct that was totally unacceptable.
At other retail outlets over the past week - counter-workers (more often-than-not) - literally froze on the spot when I strode up to the cash register.
If you ask me, their expressions tended to suggest, that they had just pooped their pants.
At Walmart, one teenager rang up the charges and handed me back my change, but neglected to present my groceries which were tucked down below beyond easy reach.
As he stood there awestruck, I awkwardly reached down, and plucked up the bag myself.
Unfortunately, when I arrived at my vehicle in the parking lot, my strawberries were nowhere in sight.
I dashed back into the store and quizzed the dazed box boy.
"What did you do with my stawberries?"
Without uttering a word, he reached under the counter, and coughed them up.
No apology! No nothing!
Today, when I sauntered into Walgreen's to pick up the morning edition of the Los Angeles Times, a down-and-out security guard with gnarled features spied me as he was exiting the front door.
Imagine that, he immediately turned on his heel, and followed me inside - where he proceeded to gawk at me as I tried to withdraw cash with a modicum of privacy - or at least without his prying eyes raping my every movement.
Thanks for that Kristen Stewart!
A right on appraisal of the nonsensical conduct of unsophisticated clods with no class!
At least I don't have the paparazzi pushing me into cactus plants like some celebrities.
I expect that if the public fascination continues (shouldn't these boring folks get a life?) - and likewise intensifies to a degree that is overwhelming - that I will have to audition muscle-bound studs to assume the role of "bodyguard" when I venture out.
Well, I guess there are some perks to being famous.
Male escorts!
