Mr. Manners (aka Julian Ayrs)...grocery bag etiquette! Walgreens worst offender!

In recent days, immigrants from around the globe have been flooding the country; consequently, a handful of our American customs are at risk - could very well fall by-the-wayside - if the citizenry does not stand up and take action to preserve the status quo.

For example, when a  U.S. resident strolls up to the cashier at a business establishment, they have a reasonable expectation that their groceries (and other precious goods) will be carefully packed into an appropriate bag so they may be toted all-the-way home without difficulty.

Now-a-days, when a shopper pays the bill - instead of grabbing for a bag - the counter-person is more inclined to linger for a moment or simply look away before awkwardly cutting to the chase.

"Do you want a bag," they finally snipe at the customer, as they wrinkle up their nose in distaste.

At this juncture, I am inclined to respond with a knee-jerk reaction, for starters.

"If you can afford one, please!"

Gosh, I sure hope that was a slap in the face.

In some primitive cultures, the natives simply balance the fruits and vegetables on their heads - or in the alternative - tuck 'em in the hem of their skirt (I guess!).

But, in America, we tend to be a tad more sophisticated than that!

There is a pratical reason for providing a bag, too.

If a customer waltzes out the door with purchase in hand, some overzealous security guard with shit for brains may mistakenly surmise that the individual is guilty of a five-finger discount!

Go figure!

Bottom line?

If these grocers can't afford to provide a bag up-front (without questions asked) they shouldn't be in the business of providing goods and services.

You know what they say.

Penny wise. Pound foolish.

No bag?

Then, I'll pass on patronizing your store, too.

http://www.thetattler.biz

Walgreens & 99 cent store worst offenders!

Mr. Manners (aka Julian Ayrs)...Etiquette on approaching a stranger on the street!

This post was inspired by a hilarious encounter with a tourist on the Vegas strip this morning at the crack-of-dawn.

As I stood at the corner next to a couple of pedestrians at a light waiting to cross the street - for some inexplicable reason (a gulp of a soda earlier?) - I was unable to stifle a slight belch.

The burp wasn't loud mind you!

In fact, I cupped my hand over my face when I felt the rude noise coming on, in a bold-faced effort to muffle the embarrassing eruption as much as possible.

Due to my upbringing, I felt obligated (good manners required it, after all) to politely utter up a "excuse me" for the benefit of the strangers next to me.

The gentleman suddenly turned in my direction to respond.

"Yes?"

"Oh," I responded quickly on the uptake.

"I just burped, so I was excusing myself."

We both laughed instinctively.

The amusing scenario that went down was a laugh riot after all.

"Where I come from," the middle-aged man whispered, "A person says 'excuse me' if they want to ask a stranger on the street for directions and that sort-of-thing."

Obviously, the man came from good breeding was taught good manners by his parents.

Unless he went to finishing school, of course!

Crossing paths with this delightful individual (lucky for me he wasn't some a-hole like most you bump into at the local library or on the Vegas strip) ended up begging the question.

What is the proper etiquette to undertake when approaching a stranger in public?

For starters, a well-mannered person with class utters up the aforementioned helpful phrase to get the ball rolling smoothly.

"Excuse me."

Don't just dash up unannounced and invade the pedestrian's "space" - or they may think you're about to bang 'em on the hand - and make off with their wallet or diamond-studded wristwatch.

Or, they'll be expecting 'ya to pester 'em for spare change in the alternative.

And, when you get ready to depart, don't forget to thank the person warmly his or her kindness.

If you follow these rules, I expect the exchange will be a fruitful one, and that your karma on this earthly plane will increase tenfold.

Amen!

http://www.thetattler.biz

Mr. Manners...rude Bellagio waitress shakes down tourists for tips! Poor Etiquette!

An incident at the Bellagio Hotel & Casino yesterday afternoon prompted me to enlist the aid of Mr. Manners to pen an essay on proper etiquette when it comes to tipping in glitzy Las Vegas (or elsewhere for that matter).

Normally, when a patron gambles on the Casino floor - at the slots or at a gaming table - cocktails, soft drinks, water, even beer - are on the house.

The "lubricating" drinks are not only geared to elevate a guest into a happy-go-lucky mood - but also - offered up with the hope that the gambler may be more inclined to part with a bit of cash in favor of the cashier's gate, too.

Just try to secure a drinkie-pooh from a tired old cocktail waitress if it appears you are not a whale about to drop a truckload of cash at the tables - or at a minimum - fritter away a fistful of bucks on the one-armed bandit scattered about the dazzling premises.

In view of the foregoing, I have a tipping structure that I follow - whenever I zip into my favorite Casino - to plug a handful of coins into the inviting 3-D slots strategically-placed about the floor of the Hotel environs.

If the waitress delivers up a lone beer - or a glass of quality white wine - I usually tip a buck (provided I haven't been forced to wait a half-an-hour-or-so to quench my thirst once I have stepped inside the establishment to take a respite from the sizzling-hot afternoon desert sun).

If I ordered an exotic cocktail, the stages get higher, and I generally toss at least two dollar bills on the tray (with a smile and a thank you very much).

But, when it comes to soft drinks or regular water, I usually pass on a tip for good reason.

For example, if I sit at the slots for a couple of hours - and consume four or five cokes - I'll end up frittering away a fiver at least.

In these tough economic times?

No way, Jose!

Especially if the handful of sodas (?) consist mostly of packed ice, water, and a dollop of syrup.

Yup!

What they offer up at Bellagio (and elsewhere on the glitzy Vegas strip)  is not even real coke, folks!

Judging by the response I get from a large percentage of the waitresses on duty, my tip structure is acceptable, because it is reasonable and practical (bottom line).

In fact, more often-than-not, a server is inclined to respond to my take on tipping in a respectful manner.

"If you need anything else, just wave me down," they usually stress with sincerity in their voice.

So, you can imagine how surprised I was yesterday afternoon when an uncouth waitress proceeded to linger at my side (after she plunked the coke down) in a diabolical bold-faced effort to intimidate - and ultimately - coerce some moolah out of me.

Sheesh!

What gall.

As a rule, a well-brought-up waitress -with a modicum of good manners - usually cruises up, slips soda down, then drifts off in the event coin of the realm is not offered up.

No big deal for someone with class!  
In contrast, the shocking behaviour of the hag at the Bellagio - was not only inappropriate - but underscored poor breeding and a total lack of etiquette.

Amen!

http://www.thetattler.biz

Mr. Manners...English in businesses, Government offices & hospitals! Please!





In this first installment of Mr. Manners - in this regular weekly feature at the Tattler - it's important to state drive home first things first!

We're mad as heck - the polite word to use in mixed company, folks - in Los Angeles (and elsewhere around the country, I expect) and we're not going to take it anymore!

If no one has lamented this in the past, then let me be the one to enlighten the teaming masses.

There's no scenario worse (or ruder, for that matter) than one in which a couple of immigrants are inclined to speak in a second language - Spanish, Russian, Chinese, you name it - resulting in an English-speaking citizen being excluded from the conversation.

This is particularly so, when the location happens to be a business entity, hospital facililty, or Government Office.

Indeed, boorish conduct such as this - not only amounts to bad manners - but reaches the level of a tasteless lack of etiquette in a polite society.

Unless, of course, there are no other English-speaking residents within ear shot!

And, common-place International greetings, aside.

That said?

Ciao, baby!

http://www.thetattler.biz

Mr. Manners...launches advice column on the Tattler!



A few years ago, I penned a popular column on manners and etiquette under the catchy by-line of Mr. Manners.

Needless to say - the undertaking was always a complete-and-utter hoot - for the duration I slaved away on the weekly column (which aised a few hackles now-and-then by the way).

Since I have returned to the multi-cultural "Big Bad Orange" - it has not escaped my attention - that the madding classes are more-often-than-not clashing (at blows!) because of cultural, social, and politically-incorrect differences.

So, in the city's hour of need, I have elected to start up the column once again - if only to smooth the way for the huddled masses drifting aimlessly through a sea of uncertainty about deep-rooted traditions (and misguided assumptions) - so they may ultimately gain a footing in this great country without rubbing the locals the wrong way!

The first installment launches tomorrow - so cruise on by - eh?





http://www.thetattler.biz

Safeway...Latino cleaning lady intrudes on men in restroom!

Need some help with that, big fella?

After rustling up a few items and tossing them into the cart at Safeway, I headed into the men's room to take a whiz.

As I zipped up my fly, and turned to wash my hands, a homely Latino scrub-woman waltzed into the tiny facility and proceeded to give the a "John" a once-over.

The fact that a couple of male shoppers were flapping in the breeze - so-to-speak - didn’t appear to faze her in the least.

Maybe Mexican dudes don’t mind that kind of intrusion, but I expect I am not wrong in my conclusion, that most white American males don’t warm up to the idea of having their privacy invaded like that.

Forgive the pun - but a border was crossed - in my estimation.

Needless to say, I reported the incident to management at Safeway.

Did the complaint fall on deaf ears?

News at 11!

 

http://www.thetattler.biz

AM PM...markets! Nervous clerk needs therapy! Las Vegas attracks weirdos near Hilton Hotel!

 

Never kid a kidder! 

Some employees try too hard to hide their dishonesty and stupidity.

And, in the process - they not only make fools of themselves - but also end up insulting their customers.

For example, after I strolled through the Hilton Casino last night for an hour or so - during which time I sipped on a refreshing glass of white wine and tried my luck at the slots - I headed out the revolving door of bumbling prospective gamblers (heading inside) and down the street to my Hotel under a canopy of pretty stars.

Suddenly, a case of the munchies swept over me, so I slipped into the AM PM market (at Paradise Blvd) to snatch up a tasty snack to quell a hunger pang that was grumbling in my gut.

At the "grill", I spied an assortment of wrapped ready-made take-out goodies which included an odd assortment of tachos and hamburgers.

So, I scooped up one priced @ $1.29, which screamed out at me in bright eye-catching colors.

In addition to the burger I snapped up a can of  ice-cold Arizona punch (99 cents), and headed to the cash register to pay up.

But, when the toothy cashier (a dude who was rough around the edges) rang up the total, it wasn't correct.

When I noted to the clerk that the total appeared to be off, he interrupted me - right off-the-bat - in a rude and insulting manner.

"Sir, I'll show 'ya. Come with me," he gruffly huffed, as he walked over to where the fast-food snacks were beckoning from inside the small warming oven.

"See. This is a hamburger and it is $1.99," he spat out with smug satisfaction, clearly under the impression that he had bested me somehow.

Indeed!

The goof was too stupid to figure out the obvious.

I was interested in the snack priced at "$1.29" (pursuant to the ubiquitous sign posted above the merchandise).

At this juncture, I pointed to the snack he was referring to - and to the one I had my sights on - and put the question to him.

"What is the difference between this item (the one I wanted to purchae @ $1.29) and that one ($1.99).

He did a double-take, was silent for a split second, then responded quietly.

"One is a burger. The other is a sandwich."

"I see," I politely responded.

Although I was interested in the $1.29 item (and not the burger which was allegedly priced @  $1.99) - rather than make a fuss and hold up the check-out line further - I opted to just purchase the items he rang up on the cash register.

"It's okay.I'll take the items you rang up, thanks," I chirped, as I headed back to the counter where a line was now forming.

Rather than drop the matter, he pesisted with his stupidity.

"Are you sure? I know times are tough."

Huh? 

Was he going to try to belittle me now because I simply sought to determine the prices of the itemshe was charging me for?

Since I didn't intend to argue ad nausem any further - especially not with an obvious jerk-off  - I instructed him to just go ahead with the sale (with the ultimate aim of making peace and moving on).

At this juncture, as he started to hand back my change - instead of thanking me and being gracious - he labored the point.

"Just thought 'ya should know," he quipped.

"I didn't want you to think I was ripping you off."

Though he tried to, I assure you!

Yada! Yada! Yada!

In view of the fact so many folks in Vegas are griping about being jobless in the desert oasis - just maybe - this bozo should take a hike and relinqish the gainful employment to someone capable of taking on the task of working as a professional cashier.

Especially when you conisider that the scruffy dude was incompentent, ill-mannered, and taking up space needlessly.

I mean - does this a**hole honestly think folks on holiday in Vegas don't have anything better to do - than waste their valuable time at a check-out counter aruging with a loser like him?
There outta be a law!

http://www.julianayrs.com/

Laptop...No etiquette @ Cedars Sinai! Mr. Manners scorns nosey-parkers! Get a life!

What dreary unfulfilled lives they must lead.

Of course - I am referring to cafe hogs who gang up on electrical outlets in order to charge their pricey state-of-the-Art gizmos (of the kind President Obama warned us about) - without any consideration for the rest of the patrons pining for a spark of the vital stuff.

If that weren't uncooth enough, nurses on duty breezed in to my hospital room at whim (under the guise of tidying up) and surreptiously cranked their heads this way 'n that in order to peruse my musings on the computer screen.

I was always taught that this kind of conduct was rude and insulting and an outright iinvasion of privacy.

One perky nurse by the unlikely name of Rosetta strode into the bathroom while I was on the toilet and went about her business.

Miss, if you want some kinky thrills, saunter over to one of the sleaze-bag Hotels on Sunset, and book a room there.

No freebies at Cedars-Sinai.

The fact that Ms. Congeniality was totally oblivious to her glaring  inappropriate conduct underscored what a classless low-life woman (I use the term loosely) is.

Did it never occur to this fast-talking gal from Georgia that a man (Don't know about the ladies) would prefer a little privacy when they're comfortably ensconced on the throne in the bathroom of their home?

Later, the same empty-headed hospital employee, maneuvered herself next to my laptop in order to take note of the data I was keying into my laptop for publication on the Internet.

Fed up, I subtly lowered the lid of the computer to get the message across -  and likewise - block her view.

She must have cheese for brains.

After departing for a few moments, she found some worthless excuse to return to my hospital room - at which poiint - she continued with her disturbing behavior.

It's evident to me now, the nurse has serious psychological problems, which need therapy.

You're not in Kansas anymore, Miss.

Wake up and smell the pampers!

http://www.thetattler.biz

Las Vegas...McDonalds female server acts like truck driver! Low-class manner a hoot...

Slovenly b**ch at McDee's heading in this direction!

Gosh, they're really scraping the barrel at McDonalds take-out in trendy Las Vegas these days!

One by one, customers at the outlet on the strip (next to the Circus Circus Hotel), were offended by the rude insulting manner of a female server who looked for all-the-world like some down 'n out hooker on 42nd Street.

She'd walk bull-legged through the tables like a greasy truck driver with a stick up the butt, barking out comments that were an obvious turn-off to the startled guests.

Frankly, if a handful of the guests don't end up with severe indigestion, I'll be surprised.

After all, her body odour also left a lot to be desired, so rank was it.

Times must be tough in the fast-food biz if McDonalds managers are forced to hire on oddballs  like this dim-witted broad (who caused a lot of angst and anger in her snotty wake).

Yup!

Las Vegas attracts quite a few losers, but this misfit, takes the cake!

Pleasant out-going servers at McDonalds thing of past!

http://www.thetattler.biz

Barack Obama...Jacka** remark lowers Prez to level of common Joe!

Ooops!

I don't bray!

When I overheard the news flash in my travels about the city the other day, I laughed out loud.

Another controversy raged in  a week that (at a minimum) had been rife with bad behaviour from white and black trailer-trash alike.

Maybe the alignment of the planets was all screwed up.

Or, the soaring heat was making folks testy.

According to a tweet that zapped at lightning speed around the internet (and beyond into the frenzied mainstream media realms)  Barack Obama allegedly jumped into the Kanye West fray - and in an off-the-cuff moment - hissed to a few within earshot (off-camera) that the musician was (quite simply) a Jacka**.

How refreshing!

To a handful who once belly-ached that Obama was "uppity" - and occasionally was prone to act "Holier than thou" - it was a Godsend, really.

In sum, the Prez was no different than any common "Joe" prone to dish at whim when the occasion arose.

Personally, it was the word  Jacka** that titillated me.

In choosing that "label", Obama demonstrated a little imagination, in my estimation.

When you call a person an "a**hole", for instance, it simply conjures of a glaring demeaning image of all that is negative about sentient beings (and the inconsiderate and/or inappropriate selfish actions of an individual that often lead them astray from humanity).

For many, the label smarts.

Jacka**, on the other hand, is a much bigger rub.

Stings more, dudes!

After all, the "tag" gets to the very core of the personality - and in the final analysis - makes a broader, deeper, more insightful statement about the individual in a lasting humorous way.

The dictionary definition defines it best:

jackass

    noun
1. a male donkey.
2. a contemptibly foolish or stupid person; dolt; blockhead; ass

Barack hit the nail on the head, in a nutshell!

But, the controversy goes beyond the alleged name-calling.

Apparently, when the President uttered the off-the-cuff slight, he was off-camera in-between-takes.

But, worse than that, informed sources verified later that the powers-that-be at the Network in question agreed to respect the President's wishes that the remark remain "off-the-record".

Unfortunately, another overzealous Jacka**  (they're running rampant around the political landscape these days) seized the golden opportunity to tweet his way to fame before the strong arm of his employer was able to silence him.

Uh-huh!

Within hours, the President's comment was zig-zagging around the country - and overseas, too - causing a heapload of mayhem in its wake.

Part of the blame rests with the President, in my estimation.

Obviously, he's a bit balmy if he thought his wishes would be respected, in this tattle-tale back-stabbing media-befuddled age.

As to the press, well, they blew it too.

Now that the President's trust has been broken, it is doubtful they'll ever be welcomed into the inner sanctum again.

Doris Duke's father said it best when he cautioned her on his deathbed:

"Trust no one."

And not even your instinct, on occasion, Barack!

http://www.julianayrs.com/

Whole Foods...security guard pee* on toilet seat & fails to flush!

Just as I was about to slip into the men's room for a tissue to blow my nose at Whole Foods at the corner of Santa Monica Boulevard and Fairfax, a towering well-built Afro-American security guard dashed in ahead of me and locked the door.

Obviously, appearances are not always right on the mark.

In his spiffy well-pressed uniform, the average-looking rent-a-cop gave the impression he was a well-mannered educated individual with a modicum of class.

But, when he exited the men's room a few moments later, the image was shattered!

As I sauntered into the bathroom to take a whiz, I was aghast.

The guard not only urinated on the toilet seat, but neglected to flush as well.

Indeed!

Inside the bowl, a nasty neon-yellow shade of pi** stared back at me, and just about turned my stomach.

Eugh!

Did the lad's parents forget to potty-train or was the little stinker born in a barn?

I just betcha he didn't wash his hands, either.

As Henry Fielding once noted astutely:

"Handsome is that handsome does."

http://www.julianayrs.com