Mr. Manners (aka Julian Ayrs)...Etiquette on approaching a stranger on the street!

This post was inspired by a hilarious encounter with a tourist on the Vegas strip this morning at the crack-of-dawn.

As I stood at the corner next to a couple of pedestrians at a light waiting to cross the street - for some inexplicable reason (a gulp of a soda earlier?) - I was unable to stifle a slight belch.

The burp wasn't loud mind you!

In fact, I cupped my hand over my face when I felt the rude noise coming on, in a bold-faced effort to muffle the embarrassing eruption as much as possible.

Due to my upbringing, I felt obligated (good manners required it, after all) to politely utter up a "excuse me" for the benefit of the strangers next to me.

The gentleman suddenly turned in my direction to respond.

"Yes?"

"Oh," I responded quickly on the uptake.

"I just burped, so I was excusing myself."

We both laughed instinctively.

The amusing scenario that went down was a laugh riot after all.

"Where I come from," the middle-aged man whispered, "A person says 'excuse me' if they want to ask a stranger on the street for directions and that sort-of-thing."

Obviously, the man came from good breeding was taught good manners by his parents.

Unless he went to finishing school, of course!

Crossing paths with this delightful individual (lucky for me he wasn't some a-hole like most you bump into at the local library or on the Vegas strip) ended up begging the question.

What is the proper etiquette to undertake when approaching a stranger in public?

For starters, a well-mannered person with class utters up the aforementioned helpful phrase to get the ball rolling smoothly.

"Excuse me."

Don't just dash up unannounced and invade the pedestrian's "space" - or they may think you're about to bang 'em on the hand - and make off with their wallet or diamond-studded wristwatch.

Or, they'll be expecting 'ya to pester 'em for spare change in the alternative.

And, when you get ready to depart, don't forget to thank the person warmly his or her kindness.

If you follow these rules, I expect the exchange will be a fruitful one, and that your karma on this earthly plane will increase tenfold.

Amen!

http://www.thetattler.biz

Mr. Manners...launches advice column on the Tattler!



A few years ago, I penned a popular column on manners and etiquette under the catchy by-line of Mr. Manners.

Needless to say - the undertaking was always a complete-and-utter hoot - for the duration I slaved away on the weekly column (which aised a few hackles now-and-then by the way).

Since I have returned to the multi-cultural "Big Bad Orange" - it has not escaped my attention - that the madding classes are more-often-than-not clashing (at blows!) because of cultural, social, and politically-incorrect differences.

So, in the city's hour of need, I have elected to start up the column once again - if only to smooth the way for the huddled masses drifting aimlessly through a sea of uncertainty about deep-rooted traditions (and misguided assumptions) - so they may ultimately gain a footing in this great country without rubbing the locals the wrong way!

The first installment launches tomorrow - so cruise on by - eh?





http://www.thetattler.biz

Perez Hilton...wants to get laid! Sweat off brow makes site sizzle!

Double-dose of eye-popping Hilton...


Well - since the madding masses who surf to Perez Hilton's highly-touted website probably don't peruse the local gay rags for juicy tidbits about the gossip maven - I thought I'd pass on a few of the breezy comments he offered up this week in a light-hearted probe.

Not surprisingly - the top dog on the Celebrity Internet Circuit noted he painstakingly babies his site daily - to which he attributes its remarkable success.

Well, happy to hear he doesn't loll around on his butt - wagging the dog - as they say.

"Not like the others," he sighed - as if to say - lazy b**tards.

In fact, Hilton swears he edits and updates his site into the wee hours of dawn, alongside his numero uno confidante, his sister.

Well, gossip turns on an ear.

I expect, from his sizzling Internet vantage point, flashy updates are a must!

Who wants to peruse old Perez gossip?

When it comes to aesthetics, I'm a bit of a fuss budget that way, too.

If I spy a scintillating pic or two that I've painstakingly chosen for the great unveil - running amok on the page or off-balance - I pounce on the offending snafu for a quick resolution to the problem.

Until I fitz a bit, the text may be inclined to boggle my visual sensibilities, too.

I'm constantly flipping back and forth from edit bay to the publishing queue, striving for dazzling perfection!

I guess Perez and I are both - um - anal that way.

While we're on the subject of anal.

When asked why he lost so much weight, Perez quipped - without batting a mascara-highlighted eyelid - that it was elementary, dear boy.

"I wanted to get laid."

Judging by the publicity still that ran with the interview - he's either on the verge of nabbing that elusive toss in-the-hay - or is at least "this-close" to a fat "cigar".

After all, there's something about muscle tone that turns a head, 'ya know?

On occasion when I've let myself go - it didn't take long to fathom from the glazed-over eyes of disenchanted toy boys - that a sagging bod doesn't make it out of the "hook-up" starter's gate from the get-go.

Tone up a tad - and flex a bit of muscle under a tight "T" - and you'll have 'em eating out of your - um - hand in two seconds flat.

In West Hollywood, anyway.

Yeah, dudes are pretty visual!

I expect Perez has to sign a pact, though.

Before he hits the sack, guess he'll have to square away with potential fortune-hunters.

And, understandably, any savvy studly bedfellow will want to negotiate privacy issues before they're inclined to play "tango" between the sheets to ensure Perez won't reveal intimate details of a tryst in the event a nasty break-up busts up all over the Internet terrain.

Meow!

By the way, the gossip-meister noted that Madonna was tops in his books.

Why?

She shot a tailor-made video for Perez to upload to his dizzyingly popular website where millions cruise his titillating bylines for scrumptious scoops on their fave celebrities daily.

In his close-out comments, Perez beamed that the sweat off his brow paid off.

The boy from the wrong side of the tracks is a mover & a shaker in far-reaching social circles - in spite of the fact some nags in the gay community allege - he sold out.

Tsk!

How ever so?

In recent days, Perez cast off his wild fashion excesses to go upscale, and attend a a classy formal affair at the White House by chauffered limousine.

Did he kiss a lilttle a**?

Nothing wrong with toeing the line in polite society, if you ask me.

Show some respect and you'll get it back in spades.

Or, in pork, at least!

Perez exclaimed in the let-it-all-hang-out interview, that he epitomized the "American Dream".

To those on the end of his poison keyboard, he's an American nighmare, though.

What's next?

Splashy endorsements with a lot of zeroes in the checks?

Underwear ads? Hair products?

A webbie TV sitcom?

Ah, that's it.

Welcome to the Perez Hilton streaming video extravaganza.

Back in a nano-second after a word from our sponsor.

Spyware!