Los Angeles Times Festival of Books...Rainn Wilson, Jamie Lee Curtis, Patrick Oswalt to appear!

Book lovers are gearing up for another fantastic year at the annual Festival of Books sponsored by the local Los Angeles Times.

But, before they trot off, they'd better take note that the much-anticipated event - which attracts thousands of book worms each year - has switched venues.

Uh-huh!

A few celebrities such as - health guru Jamie Lee Curtis, actor Rainn Wilson, comic Patrick Oswalt, and rocker Pattie Smith (to name a few) - are also scheduled to push pet projects near-and-dear to their hearts and toss meet-and-greets with a fan or two as well.

I met Rainn on the red carpet of the premiere of his hilarious comedy - The Rocker - over a year ago in Las Vegas and he does not disappoint. 

He's quick on the uptake, alright!

Patrick Oswalt, who hosted a Film Fest at the New Beverly Cinema in Hollywood in recent years, is also a fine comic who has the ability to crack folks up with rapid-fire jokes without much effort.

The Nation's largest Literary Fest (admission is free) opted for a change of scenery this year - and moved the whole dang kit 'n kaboodle - to the University of Spoiled Children (USC).

That other University - where the popular fest was previously held in recent years - must be hot under the collar for losing the popular gig, eh?

As usual, though, enthusiasts of the written word, families of-all-sexual-persuasions - and Angelenos from all walks-of-life - will be exploring the extensive offerings with wonder once again when the end of the month rolls around on campus.

In addition to the reams of publications that will be on the shelves (and ready to be snapped up), the two-day event will be sprinkled with celebrity appearances, live stage music, practical (and exotic) cooking demonstrations, book signings and insightful and informative Q & A's.

Seven outdoor stages are slated to be erected in the center of USC's campus to accommodate the guest artists, their adoring fans, and Joe Public.

Program highlights include the Target Children's Stage ( with Mo Willems, Jamie Lee Curtis, Mallory Lewis and Lambchop, The Okee Dokee Brothers and R.L.Stine), the Cooking Stage (featuring Duff Goldman from "Ace of Cakes" and master chef Thomas Keller), the YA stage (graced with young luminaries such as Gayle Forman, Judy M. Blundell and D.J. McHale), and The Times editorial staff (who will be involved in hands-on discussions sporadically throughout the weekend on the Los Angeles Times Stage and Pavilion).

GENERAL EVENT INFORMATION

latimesfestivalofbooks.com

1-800-LA-TIMES, ext. 7BOOK

Attendees must secure tickets beforehand to attend panel discussions and lectures due to limited seating.

Writer's workshop tickets and $30 panel passes will be available on a first-come first-serve basis on April 11th (Monday) at 9 a.m.

Individual panel tickets will be available on April 24th (Sunday) for a nominal fee.

The Los Angeles Times Festival of Books is presented in association with USC, presenting sponsor Target, major sponsors Buick and GMC and official ticketing provider Eventbrite.

See 'ya there!

http://www.thetattler.biz

Ellen DeGeneres...shhhh! Harry Connick Jr. celebrates birthday of perky talk-show host Tuesday...

love that just out-of-bed look!

Do you think that Ellen is a sexist?

I was just zipping through her press release this morning (touting this week's guest line-up) when I spied an intriguing comment our favorite lipstick lesbo quipped about Dennis Quaid after his rippley-abbed appearance on the hit talk show last week.

For the record (she noted in so many words) that Dennis was quite cooperative.

"Maybe I'll invite him home to do the vacuuming," she chirped without batting-an-eye.

Shame!

Meanwhile, the stellar line-up of high-profile guests continues this week.

And, guess what?

Surprise! 

It's Ellen's birthday.

Harry Connick, Jr. - a crooner that the ditzy (but highly-intelligent) stage comic pines after, will saunter in to make "D" Day a very thrilling "B" Day.

Tune in, eh?

Should be tweet, with cake (festive icing) and par-tay hats!!!

But, first things first.

JANUARY 25TH - JANUARY 29TH

MONDAY (JANUARY 25th)

Valerie Bertinelli (the little cutie with a passion for rock 'n roll stars) will chat about her upcoming projects and life's rosy moments for a tad.

In fact, Valerie has promised to share her stay-in-shape diet & exerecise secrets.

ZACHARY LEVI will drift in at some point to tell Ellen all the about the new season for his hit TV show "Chuck".
And, with a thumbs up to Australia, hilarious Ellen will play a wild 'n crazy action-packed game of blindfolded musical chairs.

WEDNESDAY (JANUARY 26th)

Ellen invited a little-known country-music band to make their TV debut on the show a couple-of-years ago.

The band musicians in LADY ANTEBELLUM have become superstars in the interim.

As pay-back to generous DeGeneres, Lady Antebellum will get all gussied up and sashay onto the stage with a lot of thumping and cheering going down from die-hard fans (no doubt).

Ellen and her audience will be treated to an exclusive performance of their hit.

“Need You Now”

They’ll also give Ellen a big scoop - on all the insider-info - in respect to their deserving Grammy nominations (two)!

THURSDAY (JANUARY 28th)

Buffed stud - ubiquitous MARIO LOPEZ - is expected to bounce out on the stage brimming with enthusiasm about this 'n that  as the exciting fun-filled antics on Ellen top out for the week.

Just maybe, he'll share a few juicy backstage moments which may have gone down during the rehearsals for "Miss America" ( which he is hosting on Saturday night).

FRIDAY (JANUARY 29th

JOSH DUHAMEL, a former Male Model of the Year (no wonder he's so stiff), is slated to chat  up Ellen about his latest feature film “When in Rome.”

"White Collar" actor - MATTHEW BOMER - will stride out later in the show with titillating tales to tell, too;  after all, he is playing a mercurial con-man on the night-time TV circuit.

And, as they say at Warner Brothers, that's all folks!

'Til next week, anyhow.

http://www.julianayrs.com

Perez Hilton...wants to get laid! Sweat off brow makes site sizzle!

Double-dose of eye-popping Hilton...


Well - since the madding masses who surf to Perez Hilton's highly-touted website probably don't peruse the local gay rags for juicy tidbits about the gossip maven - I thought I'd pass on a few of the breezy comments he offered up this week in a light-hearted probe.

Not surprisingly - the top dog on the Celebrity Internet Circuit noted he painstakingly babies his site daily - to which he attributes its remarkable success.

Well, happy to hear he doesn't loll around on his butt - wagging the dog - as they say.

"Not like the others," he sighed - as if to say - lazy b**tards.

In fact, Hilton swears he edits and updates his site into the wee hours of dawn, alongside his numero uno confidante, his sister.

Well, gossip turns on an ear.

I expect, from his sizzling Internet vantage point, flashy updates are a must!

Who wants to peruse old Perez gossip?

When it comes to aesthetics, I'm a bit of a fuss budget that way, too.

If I spy a scintillating pic or two that I've painstakingly chosen for the great unveil - running amok on the page or off-balance - I pounce on the offending snafu for a quick resolution to the problem.

Until I fitz a bit, the text may be inclined to boggle my visual sensibilities, too.

I'm constantly flipping back and forth from edit bay to the publishing queue, striving for dazzling perfection!

I guess Perez and I are both - um - anal that way.

While we're on the subject of anal.

When asked why he lost so much weight, Perez quipped - without batting a mascara-highlighted eyelid - that it was elementary, dear boy.

"I wanted to get laid."

Judging by the publicity still that ran with the interview - he's either on the verge of nabbing that elusive toss in-the-hay - or is at least "this-close" to a fat "cigar".

After all, there's something about muscle tone that turns a head, 'ya know?

On occasion when I've let myself go - it didn't take long to fathom from the glazed-over eyes of disenchanted toy boys - that a sagging bod doesn't make it out of the "hook-up" starter's gate from the get-go.

Tone up a tad - and flex a bit of muscle under a tight "T" - and you'll have 'em eating out of your - um - hand in two seconds flat.

In West Hollywood, anyway.

Yeah, dudes are pretty visual!

I expect Perez has to sign a pact, though.

Before he hits the sack, guess he'll have to square away with potential fortune-hunters.

And, understandably, any savvy studly bedfellow will want to negotiate privacy issues before they're inclined to play "tango" between the sheets to ensure Perez won't reveal intimate details of a tryst in the event a nasty break-up busts up all over the Internet terrain.

Meow!

By the way, the gossip-meister noted that Madonna was tops in his books.

Why?

She shot a tailor-made video for Perez to upload to his dizzyingly popular website where millions cruise his titillating bylines for scrumptious scoops on their fave celebrities daily.

In his close-out comments, Perez beamed that the sweat off his brow paid off.

The boy from the wrong side of the tracks is a mover & a shaker in far-reaching social circles - in spite of the fact some nags in the gay community allege - he sold out.

Tsk!

How ever so?

In recent days, Perez cast off his wild fashion excesses to go upscale, and attend a a classy formal affair at the White House by chauffered limousine.

Did he kiss a lilttle a**?

Nothing wrong with toeing the line in polite society, if you ask me.

Show some respect and you'll get it back in spades.

Or, in pork, at least!

Perez exclaimed in the let-it-all-hang-out interview, that he epitomized the "American Dream".

To those on the end of his poison keyboard, he's an American nighmare, though.

What's next?

Splashy endorsements with a lot of zeroes in the checks?

Underwear ads? Hair products?

A webbie TV sitcom?

Ah, that's it.

Welcome to the Perez Hilton streaming video extravaganza.

Back in a nano-second after a word from our sponsor.

Spyware!

Belmont Cafe...trendy eatery with surprise guests! West Hollywood.

The Belmont Cafe - at 747 N. La Cienega - is one of those chic little boites just a hop-and-a-skip away from trendy Melrose Avenue.



Usually - there is a swirl of social activity out front - as glittering celebs and a handful of the tony elite purr up in their pricey top-of-the-line autos where a sharp brigade of smartly-attired Valets are ready to do their bidding.


Not to be outdone - a hair's breath away - a pack of hungry photographers jockey for position. If the professional snappers are lucky, they'll snag a candid shot of an A-list actor as he alights from his vehicle or returns later a bit tipsy.

Last evening as I strolled through the gauntlet on the bustling street in front of the upscale eatery, by chance, I happened to gaze up.

Ha! I spied a hilarious sign that would cause Jay Leno to chortle, for sure.

It read,

"We have crabs."

Golly!

Remind me not to sit on the toilet seat in their mensroom in the future, please!

Pam Anderson...say what?

Oftentimes I arrive at the movie house early.

As I sit idly in my plush, comfy seat, I have the option to twiddle my thumbs or gobble up my treats before the main attraction fires up on the screen.

Now that many Theaters are offering up trivia games prior to the big show to wile the minutes away, personally, I am inclined to play along.

Usually, the brain-teasers are about current films; for example, what name actor, currently starring in a comedy, is married to Kirk Douglas' son?

Any takers?

Of course, the answer is...

Now managers are offering up famous quotes by actors on the wide screen; after all, aren't we all just waiting with bated breath to hear what our favorite star has to say about the state of the world?

I must have been in an off-the-wall mood last night at the Regency 'cause a number of the quotes hit my funny bone real hard in a nonsensical way...

For instance, Beyonce Knowles was quoted as having said,

"I make records like I speak."

Oh, so that's the problem!

Then there's the profound one by Carmen Electra,

"Life is not worth living unless there's a camera around."

Ah, another Kodak moment!

Some of the misconceptions may have arisen due to a lack of articulation by the artists.

For example, when Jared Leto contributed this gem - "I'm rarely proud of what I've done" - I surmise that what he meant to say was that he isn't too proud of his acting chops on screen.

Actually, Jared, your performance in "Requiem for a Dream " wasn't half bad.

Then, there's the comment by Amanda Peet:

"I think you have to fall in love a little with your co-star."

If you don't, will someone twist your arm?

The one by Lindsay Lohan caused the audience to roar:

"I am the hardest working person I know", she allegedly said straight-faced.

I wonder, was that a misquote? Did she actually say,

"I am the hardest two-fisted drinker I know"?

Some are downright silly.

There are the philosophical words of wisdom by Pam Anderson,

"A little pain is good for you."

Or the cerebral message from Natalie Portman:

"I'd rather be smart than a movie star".

It caused me to wonder, is it not possible to be both?

Will Ferrell noted that when people engage in inappropriate behaviour that he laughs.

How refreshing, most would turn up their nose in disgust.

From Jennifer Lopez, this little ditty:

"I need 8 hours of sleep or I go out of my mind".

Gosh, Ben could have told us that!

Finally, there's this from Sandra Bullock:

"Success comes in a prickly package".

In view of her favourable press to date - it causes me to ponder - who pricked her?

Undoubtedly, it's because of fluff like this, that celebrities are prone to be chaste when it comes to probing interviews.

It's bad enough to be misquoted, but worse yet to be caught in an outrageous moment of stupidity.

Remember: to err is human, to forgive Divine.

As Salvador Dali said:

"Have no fear of perfection- you'll never reach it."

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