Jimmy Fallon...invites tweeters to post on topic! Best aired on hit talk show...

Gossip Queen surprisingly engaging!

Free-wheeling TV funny man - Jimmy Fallon - was in top form this evening.

The charismatic talk-show host - with the infectious grin - boasts a late night bill-of-fare that is top notch.

Too bad I slip into dream-land long before the highly-rated talk fest gets underway.

Tonight, I popped an upper though, so I could catch Celebrity Gossip Queen Perez Hilton.

If the snoop - with the startling blue eyes (prone to flirt with defamation lawsuits) - is going to bomb on a Network broadcast, well, I pine to be one of the first to catch it all on revealing video.

Fallon tends to "get right to the heart" of things at the top of the hour, by the way.

Tonight, he did not disappoint.

For example, when he announced that Perez was appearing on the hot seat, he dashed up to the camera and scribbled "dork" and an "arrow" on the lens.

The audience roared.

In a nutshell, he captured the essence of Hilton, in a delightfully cute way.

By the way, if 'ya tweet, pay attention.

I gather it is Fallon's intention to rustle up some undeniable "truisms" in respect to an online twitter event he has fathomed up for tomorrow night's popular variety-show extravaganza.

After noting that tweeters tend to share their "likes and dislikes" by fascilitating the # sign, Fallon hatched up the novel idea for folks on twitter to post their rants and raves on one specific topic.

And, there is a big pay-off, too.

Fallon will track down the best of the tweets and broadcast 'em on his talk show Wednesday.

So, post your tweet right away under the following format:

#There should be a law

Aw shucks!

Perez just sashayed out onto the stage.

Guess what?

He was as charming as could be!

But, like any antsy guest prone to get rambunctious, he was inclined to indulbe in an OUT-rageous moment or two.

What were Perez's astute observations after admitting he'd sleep with Simon Cowell to get on American Idol?

"You've got to fu** people to get ahead in the world."

But, avoid any sloppy behaviour at red carpet events, from the very get-go.

Just ask Perez!

He got banned from the ritzy Chateau Marmont in WeHo, after all.

Meanwhile, Fallon's ballad for the JetBlue flight attendant who "lost it" after basically telling the boss to "Take this job and shove it" - who snatched up a couple of  brewskies from the cooler to nurse his bruised ego before he departed down the emergency slide in a huff - was downright hilarious.

It hit the spot just like a frothy ale should!

Well, two buds, actually.

Think I'll down one myself, flop down in the sack, and call it a night.

Unlike Perez, I snooze alone.

Heh, no wonder I'm just a stick in the mud, with no cash in the bank.

Gossip Queen Perez banned from Chateau Marmont!

http://www.julianayrs.com

Perez Hilton...Porn charges? She was just seventeen! You know what I mean..

In the aftermath of an alleged "up her skirt" snatch & grab publicity still - that Perez Hilton nabbed of Miley Cyrus (some claimed "sans panties") - a pack of vicious wolves started circling the scandal-chaser crying foul.

The lyrics of an old Beatle hit may end up haunting the salacious Queen of the Gossip blogs if the facts ring true.

"She was just seventeen! You know what I mean!"

According to legal eagles, Perez may have overstepped the line if he sought and caught nubile 17-year-old Miley Cyrus with her beaver (as TMZ  cub reporters would kid) flapping in the wind.

Because Miley (in spite of her highly-sexed image) is underage - unexpected am-bushes like that -  are strictly taboo!

Shortly after the controversy streaked like lighting around the Internet - and the twitter broadcast waves became clogged with hysterical speculation - Perez pulled the shot which was originally posted with a disclaimer.

"If you're easily offended, don't look," he warned tongue-in-cheek at his gossip web site.

Today, the tawdry tale was transformed (tailored if you like) - with the specific aim of saving Hilton from the iron-clad jaws of the men-in-blue -  do 'ya think?

After all, a salon.com lawyer asserted that it was "suicidal" to post such a shot.

Hilton responded to the controversy by posting a video in which he lamented that the shot didn't show Cyrus' nether regions.

"She was wearing underwear. I posted the photo because I felt she was exiting the car in an unladylike fashion."

Meanwhile, Internet folks are in a frenzy, because they are miffed at the idea that Perez Hilton may have manipulated the photo to give the wrong impression.

Yeah, the mud is slinging fast and furious just about now.

News at 11!

http://www.julianayrs.com/

Perez Hilton...remorse about faggot slur! Twenty something babes make up fan base...

Except for the black eye, Perez looks kinda cute!

It was a smack that was heard around the world - only second in magnitude - to Paris Hilton's primal scream for her "Mom" in the throes of being handcuffed and hauled off to the county jail.

For Perez, a nasty fist against flesh elicited the jarring sound, which was a wake-up-call.

A line from the stage musical "Chicago" said it best:

"He had it coming."

Fired-up over a tiff with singer will.i.am (Black Eyed Peas) - the impulsive (sometimes bitchy) Queen of the blogs - uttered up a homosexual slur (faggot) which didn't sit well with the road manager (or a posse of politically-correct critics on the sidelines of the controvesy) .

So, when the hot-headed loyal handler crossed paths with Perez unexpectedly (in my hometown Toronto, of all places), the run-in turned ugly.

OMG!

As one observed quipped gleefully:

"That day the fourth wall came crashing down for Perez."

Since then, Perez has managed to about-face (in a two-faced way, some tongues wag) and make bloody amends.

For starters, he apologized to the "gay community".

It was difficult to gaze into the eyes of gay members at the Health Club without feeling a tinge of guilt, he confessed in a recent interview with a reporter at the Los Angeles Times.

But, I expect there was an ulterior motive, too.

The celebrated gossip-monger has been slimming-down with an eye to hooking-up (and getting laid) with a stud muffin or two.

Why should he care what those superficial gym bunnies think, eh?

Meanwhile, Perez waits for a lawsuit he filed for monetary damages against the stage manager (Liborio Molino) to worm its way through the courts.

In the event of a financial settlement, Molino's punching-bag originally intended to donate the funds to the high-profile Mathew Shepard Foundation.

If you recall, Mathew Shepard was a gay youth - who became a cause celebre - when he was brutally murdered because of his sexual preference a few years back.

Honorable, yes!

But, the word back from the Judy Shepard camp, must hurt.

Shepard has noted for the record that she'll refuse the overture because of Perez's use of anti-gay slurs.

Tough ti**y!

On occasion, Shepard has demonstrated - to moi, at least - that she's is a bit full of herself.

Indeed, Shepard appears to be under the mistaken impression, that she has a corner on the gay-bashing market.

Judy, you're not the only parent with a gay child, who suffered violence at the hands of homo-hating hoodlums!

Meanwhile, Perez leads his fans on a merry chase!

And, the twenty-something socially-active babes who comprise a lion's share of his readership base, are content to cruise along and and titter over the juicy celebrity tidits he offers up at his sizzling-hot top hit-getter web site.

However, a published interview with the Advocate, still stings.

Perez has wailed to anyone within earshot that the journalist (!) Benoit Denizet-Lewis was dismissive in respect to his intellect in the disparaging profile published in the National gay rag.

"He's not a deep or nuanced thinker and seems generally unwilling...to look critically at himself...He doesn't strike me as all that intellectually honest," opined the sniper to Perez's dismay.

In fact, the whirling dirvish was furious!

Just betcha, a sizzling expose on Denizet-Lewis, is about to be hatched!

However, one loyal supporter wholeheartedly disagreed with the harsh assessment.

"Perez is brilliant. It's a classic success story for the post-publishing environment, in which you've got a very low overhead, and a really dynamic relationship with readers, and advertisers get htat and go for that."

Indeed, in the topsy-turvy blogosphere - where failed bloggers are more the norm than the exception - Perez has remained on - um - top.

To his credit, Hilton hasn't been content to idly sit on his laurels, or simply rake in the cash.

Personally, I've noticed that his web site is a lot "meatier" these days.

In addition, his posts are more fully-developed and smack of an emerging literary style that may lead to published works in the mainstream, I expect.

Truman Capote must be turning over in his grave.

http://www.julianayrs.com

Miss Playboy...crowned in Vegas May 31st! No questions about gay marriage, please...

A bevy of bodacious babes will trek the runway on Sunday May 31st and strut their stacked stuff to compete in the annual Playboy Club model search.

According to my sources, Perez Hilton is prepping for Mr. Playboy, so the gossip maven won't be anywhere near the glamour Queens (the females, that is).

The winner will pocket $1000 in cash, relax in the Drift Spa for a beat or two after an invigorating Swedish massage at the trendy Rains Place, then chow down at a private chi chi candlelit dinner with that "someone special" at the classy Nove Italiano with expensive bubbly on the house.

Later, the newly-crowned top siren will rustle up satin sheets in a luxury suite gratis at the ultra chic Palms Casino Resort for one night.

In addition, Miss Playboy will be the featured "face" in its June advertising campaign.

Top scorers will be featured in the Playboy Club 2010 Calendar and vie for a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to pose for Playboy Magazine.

May the best ta ta's win!

http://www.julianayrs.com

Perez Hilton...Beauty & Beast in bit** fight! Mud-slinging titillates Nation...

This morning as I waited for the Newport Beach Film Festival lounge to swing open its doors, I popped into McDonald's for a morning snack and piping hot cup of java.

Imagine that!

The upscale fast-food outlet in this tony neighborhood actually has an expensive wide-screen flat TV installed so guests may take in a morning news show or two.

Shortly after I plunked down in my comfy seat, the anchorman on a popular Fox Network show, launched into a news feature about the Perez Hilton-Beauty Queen scandal brewing across the airwaves.

At the drop-of-a-hat, fascinated diners turned their heads to catch every salacious detail.

Of course, the highly-charged subject matter arises out of an incident this past week which caused quite a controversy in a myriad of socially and politically-correct circles around the country.

Perez Hilton, top blogger, appeared as a judge on a Beauty Pageant and posed (what many thought) was an unfair question to one stunning blond beauty who was just about ripe for snatching up the coveted crown from her rivals!

"What do you think of gay marriage," the Queen of the blogs pointedly asked the startled contestant on the Nationally-televised show, out-of-the-blue.

When she innocently spoke from the heart - and confidently noted that she felt that marriage should be exclusive to a man and a woman - the old you-know-what hit the fan.

Perez summarily dismissed her as a stupid bit** - and quicker than you could say cat-fight - the war of words and insults began.

I started to giggle a bit over the caption that the news outlet was inclined to plaster across the bottom of the screen in bold-face letters.

"The Beauty & the Blogger"

I turned to a lovely couple next to me and offered up what I thought was an astute observation.

"Shouldn't that read "The Beauty & the Beast?"

They both laughed out loud.

Then, the well-heeled socialite uttered up the quote of the day.

"Perez shouldn't have been on the panel. After all, that's kind-of-like a vegetarian judging meat."

Queen of Blogs causes fur to fly!

http://www.julianayrs.com

Perez Hilton...Chris Angel's sleight of mouth urges apology from Cirque du Soleil!

Life is full of tawdry surprises!

A few scant weeks ago, I penned a post on a Magic Show in Vegas hosted by Chris Angel, in a bold-faced effort to cast a big spotlight on the unique extravaganza.

In retrospect - after an incident over the weekend - it appears that the talented maestro is not content to engage in a bit of sleight of hand.

For example, when the little hottie (known to squire a starlet or two on his arm around "sin" city) spied acid-tongued gossip-monger Perez Hilton beneath the floodlights, he was quick to toss a barb or two Hilton's way.

If Angel felt uncomfortable in Hilton's presence, then he should have pulled a disappearing act, instead.

After all, one should never look a gift horse in the mouth!

It is the ultimate sin for a performer to mistreat a paying customer.

Well, unless you're Don Rickles.

At least the former rat-packer - capable of drinking Sinatra and Martin under the table - does it with style.

Indeed, to be on the end of one of his tirades from the stage, is a compliment if you're a guest in the audience.

As to Angel - well - the thought of the trim handsome showman stepping "out of character" on stage to lower himself to a level he allegedly stooped to over the weekend in Vegas makes a body want to saw itself in half.

Chris, how could you be so tacky?

Needless to say, the Cirque du Soleil publicity staff were forced to utter up an apology for the tasteless outburst that undoubtedly shed a bad light on Angel, Cirque du Soleil, and the house in general, too.

Next time, conjure up a modicum of good manners, Mr. Magic.

Perez Vegas bound!

http://www.julianayrs.com

Perez Hilton butches up act at Abbey! Off booze?

Perez in halcyon glam days!

I popped into one of hang-outs last night for a some upbeat music and lively chatter when I spied Perez Hilton smack dab in front of me as I nosed my way through the romantic courtyard towards the bar.



The celebrity gossip-monger was outfitted in a army flap-jacket (fatiques) which suited his trimmed-down frame to a "T".



And, under the flattering sensual light, his short "do" (sandy-brown with subtle blond highlights?) appeared less spikey and wild, too.



Trying to butch up his act?



In one hand he was toting a water bottle.

Off the booze, Perez?



Was the tall pretty stud at his mercurial side just a best bud or new main squeeze, I wonder.



On one occasion when he glanced my way, I was mystified by a curious light in his eyes.



A mischievous gleam, perhaps?



I'll have to cruise over to his site and check out what Tinsel town's celebrated court jester is up to this week.



Along with 3 or 4 other million capricious scoundrels, I expect!

Perez and "Teddy"



http://www.julianayrs.com

Lindsay Lohan...scandal! Perez Hilton & gal pal maneuver in the courts!

There was an amusing tale in the morning paper about a fiasco that has erupted in the courts because gossip-mongers in the blogosphere speculated that a gal pal in the shadow of actress Lindsay Lohan was her lover!

The scuttlebutt is a tad convoluted - and like any alleged love tryst - twisted wickedly in the wind enough to cause tongues to wag!

For that, some have gotten their di**s caught in a wringer.

Here it is in a nutshell.



Allegedly, a young woman was seen squiring (?) Lohan around town, so - hot-shot gossip maven Perez Hilton - was inclined to speculate that the hanger-on was the star's main squeeze.


The gossip escalated to such a high degree that harsh words and wild accusations sizzled back-and-forth between the principals in its tawdry wake.

In fact, the woman in question was so incensed by the intense glare of the spotlight shone on her by Perez - among others - that she hot-footed it to a lawyer's office to file suit.

In her pleading, the femme fatale accused Perez Hilton of falsely alleging she was Lohan's girl-toy between the sheets, and thereafter, caused her undue stress and anxiety when he further mocked and scorned her when he graced the pages of his website in a defamatory T-shirt (!) that wildly lamented she was - oh my gosh! - a lesbot!

To fan the flames, Perez allegedly pointed a finger, and accused the upstart social-climber of "crimes" of a more sinister speculative nature.

For example, after the police arrived at the scene of a fender-bender, a small quantity of cocaine was allegedly discovered in the late model Mercedes Benz owned by the actress.

After Perez sources whispered in his ear - that the ever at-her-side escort was known to be an addict - the King of dish was inclined to play Nancy Drew and put two and two together.

And, may have come up with - um - five.

But, the truth is a long way off, just yet.

Just shortly before Perez was to give a deposition in the contentious legal proceedings (he's screaming 1st Amendment Rights) the plaintiff got into a tizzy with her own attorney and now the winsome (lose some?) two-some are out-of-sorts.

In fact, the dotty Miss has filed a malpractice suit against her legal counsel for allegedly botching the case.

Whew!

Here is the dilemma as I perceive it.

For starters, I checked out the woman's photo in the newspaper.

Frankly - she's a dog - folks!

If I were her, I'd count myself lucky that gossip-mongers were alleging an affair with such a luscious babe.

Lady - and I use the term loosely - you should have said thanks and moved on!

As to the issue of the libel (written word) and nasty slander (uttered falsehoods) a couple of niggling legal issues are obvious from the get-go.

For one, it's kind of frivolous to file suit on the grounds that someone called you a lesbot.

A handful of decent upstanding citizens have been called worse.

For example, years ago a gentleman - angered over the fact he was called an "a**hole" - proceeded to file a lawsuit for damages.

It sounds bizarre, I know, but the case actually snaked its way to the Supreme Court.

In fact, on behalf of the court, Justice Scalia penned an "opinion" that struck the deadly blow.

After an in-depth analysis of the derogatory term - and an appropriate legal review - the Justices were in accord.

The lawsuit lacked merit on legal grounds and was summarily dismissed.

Today, you can hurl the insult - **hole! - at any individual and not be sued for it.

Some things are still sacred, I guess!

To win the cause of action on the lesbian label - well - the young lady would have to establish to the court that she is not a "lesbot", for starters.

Also, she would have the burden of proving that the "insult" was not only a falsehood, but written (or uttered) with malicious and/or hurtful intent.

For example, in the wake of the Proposition 8 fall-out, being falsely labelled a lesbian may have resulted in serious repercussions in a family circle or in an employment situation.

The strongest cause of action, in my mind's eye, arises from the the allegation that the drugs belonged to Lohan's friend.

Just because a person is taking drugs - and may have been a passenger in a Mercedes - does not (by any stretch of the imagination) mean a person can take a leap and assume that the drugs belonged to that individual.

On that issue, Perez may have crossed the line.

But, in view of the way the drama is unfolding with the malpractice suit, Perez (gosh, he must have horseshoes up his a**, eh?) may get off the hook scott-free.

Bottom line, if an individual is into "gossiping" and "tattling" (who moi?) on celebrities, it is of the utmost importance that he or she phrase their words carefully to avoid potential land mines along the way.

If a writer follows that credo, they'll remain out of harm's way.

For instance, to remain within the realms of journalistic ethics, a reporter would be wise to note for the record there were "rumors" of drug-taking, an addiction, and so forth and so on.

Not assert it, without firming up the truth first.

Or, the writer may facilitate a trick of the trade by noting - in the instant case of Lohan, for example - that "sources" close to the star disclosed this 'n that.

I studied law, so I am mindful of all of this when I pen a post.

In the final analysis, the scenario unfolding in the Lohan/Perez matter, signals the obvious.

There's a lot of tit-for-tat going on in a circle of clueless immature individuals.

And, the lawyers may be the worst offenders.

Let's hope the Judge shakes some sense into all of 'em.

Immanuel Kant once opined:

"Immaturity is the incapacity to use one's own intelligence without the guidance of another."

Perez Hilton...wants to get laid! Sweat off brow makes site sizzle!

Double-dose of eye-popping Hilton...


Well - since the madding masses who surf to Perez Hilton's highly-touted website probably don't peruse the local gay rags for juicy tidbits about the gossip maven - I thought I'd pass on a few of the breezy comments he offered up this week in a light-hearted probe.

Not surprisingly - the top dog on the Celebrity Internet Circuit noted he painstakingly babies his site daily - to which he attributes its remarkable success.

Well, happy to hear he doesn't loll around on his butt - wagging the dog - as they say.

"Not like the others," he sighed - as if to say - lazy b**tards.

In fact, Hilton swears he edits and updates his site into the wee hours of dawn, alongside his numero uno confidante, his sister.

Well, gossip turns on an ear.

I expect, from his sizzling Internet vantage point, flashy updates are a must!

Who wants to peruse old Perez gossip?

When it comes to aesthetics, I'm a bit of a fuss budget that way, too.

If I spy a scintillating pic or two that I've painstakingly chosen for the great unveil - running amok on the page or off-balance - I pounce on the offending snafu for a quick resolution to the problem.

Until I fitz a bit, the text may be inclined to boggle my visual sensibilities, too.

I'm constantly flipping back and forth from edit bay to the publishing queue, striving for dazzling perfection!

I guess Perez and I are both - um - anal that way.

While we're on the subject of anal.

When asked why he lost so much weight, Perez quipped - without batting a mascara-highlighted eyelid - that it was elementary, dear boy.

"I wanted to get laid."

Judging by the publicity still that ran with the interview - he's either on the verge of nabbing that elusive toss in-the-hay - or is at least "this-close" to a fat "cigar".

After all, there's something about muscle tone that turns a head, 'ya know?

On occasion when I've let myself go - it didn't take long to fathom from the glazed-over eyes of disenchanted toy boys - that a sagging bod doesn't make it out of the "hook-up" starter's gate from the get-go.

Tone up a tad - and flex a bit of muscle under a tight "T" - and you'll have 'em eating out of your - um - hand in two seconds flat.

In West Hollywood, anyway.

Yeah, dudes are pretty visual!

I expect Perez has to sign a pact, though.

Before he hits the sack, guess he'll have to square away with potential fortune-hunters.

And, understandably, any savvy studly bedfellow will want to negotiate privacy issues before they're inclined to play "tango" between the sheets to ensure Perez won't reveal intimate details of a tryst in the event a nasty break-up busts up all over the Internet terrain.

Meow!

By the way, the gossip-meister noted that Madonna was tops in his books.

Why?

She shot a tailor-made video for Perez to upload to his dizzyingly popular website where millions cruise his titillating bylines for scrumptious scoops on their fave celebrities daily.

In his close-out comments, Perez beamed that the sweat off his brow paid off.

The boy from the wrong side of the tracks is a mover & a shaker in far-reaching social circles - in spite of the fact some nags in the gay community allege - he sold out.

Tsk!

How ever so?

In recent days, Perez cast off his wild fashion excesses to go upscale, and attend a a classy formal affair at the White House by chauffered limousine.

Did he kiss a lilttle a**?

Nothing wrong with toeing the line in polite society, if you ask me.

Show some respect and you'll get it back in spades.

Or, in pork, at least!

Perez exclaimed in the let-it-all-hang-out interview, that he epitomized the "American Dream".

To those on the end of his poison keyboard, he's an American nighmare, though.

What's next?

Splashy endorsements with a lot of zeroes in the checks?

Underwear ads? Hair products?

A webbie TV sitcom?

Ah, that's it.

Welcome to the Perez Hilton streaming video extravaganza.

Back in a nano-second after a word from our sponsor.

Spyware!

UCLA...student survival guide. Too many soldiers, dude!

Gee, kids sure are a lot more pampered since I attended University!

For example, on the UCLA campus the other day, I stumbled upon an informative "survival guide" prepared for students that was put out for young freshmen to get oriented on campus (and off).

What a Greek moment!

When I was hitting the books, and toiling my way through the hallowed halls of learning, I was forced to fend for myself.

The nifty little pamphlet at UCLA - on the other hand - is rife with useful tips, a wealth of information on how to maneuver 'round campus, and insider hints on how to score in the all-pervading primal search for carnal knowledge.

Whoa Nellie!

For starters, there's an enlightening section on campus-speak, so a student can get up to speed quick on the lingo.

What's a floorcest?

No, it's not a designer rug from Martha Stuart's home shopping club.

Also known as "dormcest", the phrase - according to the authors - refers to the inevitable hook-up between two people living on the same door floor (or in the same dorm). There is a stern warning here.

Not a good idea ninety percent of the time, it is argued.

A hook-up pretty much speaks for itself.

It's a land line for students without a cell, right?

Wrong!

Usually the catchy phrase refers to anything from making out with a person to actually having - here comes an orgasm, oh boy! - sex.

Jungle Juice is a new one on me, fer sure.

Golly, it's an exotic cocktail, you delicately conjure up by mixing - a sliver of Jose Cuervo, pint of Smirnoff, half a cup of Jagermeister, and a drop of Crown Royal (left over from a party-night the week before) - into a chilled carafe of yummy neon-colored Kool Aid.

Ah, so that's what Heather Locklear got her grubby little hands on!

The insightful guide also offers up affordable decorating ideas for a dorm room.



Unless, your parents have moolah to burn for tony digs in Westwood proper, these helpful tips may prove to be right up your campus alley.




If you're a music lover, for instance, it's suggested you frame your favorite CD or record covers to show off your - um - style.

Show tunes won't cut it, dude!

Those by Josh Groban are in poor taste, too.


If you pine to be the King of chic, though, then double up your surfboard (off season) into an ultra-cool headboard wherever you crash down.

Kewl!

If you end up with wet dreams, don't blame moi.

To freshen up (!) the old homestead on a meager budget, facilitate (like those million-dollar words, do 'ya?) dead soldiers (empty beer cans) or aesthetically-pleasing wine bottles to house fresh-cut flowers in. Sounds so gay, eh?

When a couple-of-dozen or so end up dotting the messy landscape, time to sign up for AA meetings!

That's Alcoholics Anonymous, not American Airlines, kiddo.

A cheap dish rack in lightweight metal makes a high tech hopper for school papers, by the way.

In assessing a room-mate, take note of a handful of warnings, too.

If the potential roomie smells like a brewery, or pees in a corner in the middle night after mistaking your golf bag for a pisser, he's a wild 'n crazy frat boy.

Avoid the lad like the plague, or join in!

When a room-mate starts jotting down "to do" lists - or scrambles to tidy up your sloppy unkempt bed when you slip into the shower for a sec - it's a tip off he may be anal retentive and a control-freak.

Head for the hills. Or at least, Pepperdine College nearby.

Can't find your soiled underwear? Or, the natty little sweater grannie gave 'ya vanished into the funky air one foggy day?

Uh-huh, thy roomie is a chronic borrower.

And, if it's missing-in-action for a few days, say bye-bye.

He either left it in the cafeteria when he was stoned - or pulled the old switcheroo - with an Abercrombie & Fitch number he spied on the back of a chair in the library.

And - if he struts around the room half-naked, scratches his balls incessantly, and takes a shower with the bathroom door open-wide - he's either an exhibitionist or was just born in a barn.

Yahoo!

If you like what you see, okey dokey.

If not, call the campus police, to rustle him up and send him packing back to the range.

If there's a boring lecture eating away at your nerves, jump up and scream at the top of your lungs this little ditty.

"I'm mad as hell and I'm not taking it anymore."

By the by, don't call mommy to escort 'ya to your first campus party, either.

Instead, follow the golden rules.

When out-on-the-town - travel in packs (and likewise) - institute a buddy system so you won't get lost first night zonked out in upscale Westwood, gay West Hollywood, or (God forbid) the sticks of West Covina (yeah, you get the idea)

Don't sit on a couch at a college rave, either.

Who knows what puked there earlier on when the night was young and relatively maxi-pad carefree.

Pass on the punch; after all, you just know it's been laced with an elegant designer drug inclined to induce wild and rampant urges for sex and sure to loosen the inhibitions of the most closetted nypho at UCLA.

Try to establish a good rep (reputation).

A bl** job in the john on the first date is generally verboten (look it up in the dictionary, if necessary).

"Bl** Job", not verboten, fool!

You'll be popular though; and - quick as a wink - you'll like totally be known as "slut girl" on the Internet overnight.

Ah, but what a night!

Avoid beer pong if you're a guy and want to meet other guys.

In fact, always relieve yourself outside, if you want to ferret out a homo encounter.

Useful tip?

Pretend you're really blasted - and as sure as God made boners - some homo will fly out of the woodwork and seize the day.

Next day?

Act like it didn't happen, to save your reputation with best buds, on the UCLA football team.

Follow the same modus operandi at the next blow-out. once the word gets out that you're a closet Queen.

Wow!

DVDs they're recommending for purchase (or rental) weren't a surprise to me at all.

A start-up collection of must-haves consists of the Matrix, Fight Club, Shaun of the Dead, Dazed and Confused, Animal House (all twenty sequels), The Big Lebowski (heh, dude),Gossip Girl, and Goonies (???)

Well, there was bound to be one rotten apple in the bunch.

Finally, here are a few essential websites to cruise and carouse, if you're up to it at four in the wee hours of the doey-eyed dawn.

collegebordeom.com
pandora.com
juicycampus.com
lifehack.org
defamer.com

Oh, and don't forget to check out, PerezHilton.com

Think juicy, pink, and coming of age!

Ariana Huffington...Queen of the Blogs? Not!

The morning daily touted Ariana Huffington as "Queen" of the blogs.
I thought that Perez Hilton held that title?

Huffington still a bit green in scintillating blogger circles...

Perez Hilton...radio snippets, sure to entice commuters. But, Billy Bush?

The Wall Street Journal was all agog recently over news that Perez Hilton - titillating gossip maven with Internet spin - signed to broadcast snippets of celebrity news on the humble old radio in a raft of markets around the Nation.

The twice-daily rag-bites - three minutes in duration - will funnel out into the stratosphere during both the morning and afternoon rush hours.

Was the stint below his stature they kind of inferred between the lines?

On the contrary, Perez (not his real name) noted that he was inclined to float into the ubiquitous airwaves because he perceived the arena as a lucrative medium ripe with the capability to "drive" more traffic to his site. As if he needed any more tongue-wagging followers!

His site captured 2.8 million unique net surfers in February.

Whoa, Nellie!

Hilton noted that he was tuned in to the sassy radio while cruisin' about town one day (gosh, thought he'd have a chic chauffeured limousine by now to purr around the Inner-city in) when it hit him - like lightning - that there was a whole savvy audience "out there" to tap into.

Of course, Ryan Seacrest has been schlepping back and forth between the squawk box and the boob tube for years and he hasn't fared too badly - except in the Metro sexual department, perhaps.

But, Billy Bush?

On the heels of the Perez Hilton stunner I happened to be munching on a tasty plate of French fries at my favorite Burger place on Robertson Boulevard in West Hollywood when the tattler's voice (no relation) squeaked over the transistor speaker about his spanking-new entertainment feature.

First guest?

A faceless Julia Roberts - who started right in with little foreplay - stirred things up with election chit-chat; then, elicited a number of wide yawns as she touted one of her causes - ecologically-sound water bottles.

Bush gushed that guests have been scrambling to jockey for a spot on his talk fest and that - surprise - he'll not only thumb through his little black book to conjure up scintillating guests but draw on his "in" with Access Hollywood to rustle up first-class celebrities for the regular segment each week.

He either pines to spread his wings - or just maybe - needs the extra moolah to feed those three kids. College tuition is expensive, 'ya know?

But, which came first - the chicken or the egg?

I expect Perez's venture has given the green light to a few media types hesitant heretofore.

So, now I expect that in addition to Bush, Perez, and Seacrest there will be a proliferation of cross-over hosts from far-reaching broadcast corners beckoning when you flip that old-style dial.



Hilton added that the inspiration for a cultivation of new shores was prompted by a healthy appreciation for sexy Paris Hilton (no relation) who he asserts - "has been able to create a cottage industry" - by virtue of her marketing smarts.

The Journal seems to feel that the Perez move indicates willingness on the part of major media to not only acknowledge "talent" on the Internet - but to develop, nurture, and shake hands with it. Sign lucrative deals, in fact.

And, the analysts have concluded that as a result of this startling turn of events a new legitimacy is being forged in respect to the blogosphere and its inhabitants as a result.

So, if the pap Perez doles out doesn't end up appealing to the palette of the commuter folk - at least he'll garner credit for paving the wave for the rest of us mortal gossip-mongers - snatching at the meager crumbs he's left in his wake.

Bush to abandon fake props for radio zip...