Rex Reed...feared film critic dapper! Articulate and outspoken...

 

Mint Julip, please!

Occasionally, I get the urge to pick up a specific newspaper or magazine.

Generally, that is a sign (my inner voice speaking) that there is an article or news item in the publication that warrants my scrutiny.

Or, just maybe, right for a post that day!

Sure enough, when I responded to the calling earlier this week by plucking up a disgarded copy of Beverly Hills (213) off a diner's table in a trendy watering hole on Canon Drive, I was not disappointed.

Rex Reed graced the cover in a publicity still that underscored what a smart-looking man-about-town he truly is (regardless of the occasional bad rap - and subsequent  baggage- that he hauls along in his shadow).

In fact, as I gazed upon the image, I couldn't help but notice his stylish attire was impeccable in every sense of the word (correctly-knotted tie, right amount of shirt sleeve peering out from the jacket sleeve, a collar that framed his cravat just so) from the get-go.

Suddenly, it struck me like a bolt of lightning, that Reed was a likely candidate for next year's prestigious Best-Dressed Men's list.

And the eyes - well - they are devastating also.

Rex is (quite simply) the country gentleman personified (in this photograph anyway) provided the acid tongue is kept firmly in check (cheek?).

The career profile was entertaining to peruse as well.

The editors noted that Reed is the most-known, well-respected, and most-feared film critics of all time.

Darn, I thought that was my slot in life!

No matter.

In respect to that dubious title, he notes for the record - after being queried about his well-earned status - that it doesn't worry him a bit about the possibility of running into a subject he has dragged through coals by virtue of a nasty film review.

"I just say what I believe (!) and that is why I have a career."

"Do you know how many people were movie critics when I first started out? Nobody even remembers their names and they're not even around anymore and they've completely vanished - even the ones who did not die - vanished!"

"I'm still here doing this," he no doubt smiled with a cheshire grin during the interview.

"Why?"

"Because I never compromise and the one thing I will say is because I have good taste (Myra Breckenridge an example of it?) And am I a snob? YES!  I'm a snob about mediocrity. I'm up to my eyeballs in second-rated-ness."

Is "second-rated-ness" actually a legit term in the dictionary?

Doesn't matter.

If Rex has coined the son-of-a-gun, it's downright kosher, alright.

One of the perks of being a legend in one's own mind, I expect, eh?

When asked about the state of the film industry, he turned bug-eyed (I imagine) and wailed that the biz depended entirely on the people who won't settle for second best (Reed and moi, of course).

The film critic was livid about the fact that few filmgoers were lining up to see a handful of recent faves  making the rounds of movie Theatres - "Up in the Air", "Public Enemies", "The Last Station" - for instance.

On the other hand, he quipped viciously that Sherlock Holmes was an absolute noisy, filthy, horrible, stupid, disgrace of a movie that was making a lot of money nonetheless.

I laughed when he also snarled that "Hurt Locker" was the best movie you'd never want to see twice.

Not primed or ready to become a classic, huh,  Rex?

Rex would prefer that movies illuminate the human condition - enlighten and inspire - too.

"James Cameron really doesn't know about life. His movies are about teenage comic book fantasies."

I suppose old age is creeping in and that Rex is subsequently losing his memory; after all, if my own grey cells  serve me right, I recall that Cameron directed one of the biggest block-buster romances of all time ever to grace the screen (Titanic).

Ooops!

But, nobody's perfect.

Rex has already written his epitaph to explain away his side of things on this mortal coil.

"He (Rex Reed) tried to make things better."

Amen!

Rex with Raquel Welch on set!

(Myra Breckinridge)

http://www.thetattler.biz

Beverly Hills 213...slick glossy features & side-splitting "Brain Optional"

Each week, a newspaper carrier zips around ritzy Beverly Hills and tosses the latest cellophane-wrapped edition of Beverly Hills (213) on the front doorsteps of the tony elite in the ritzy enclave.

The splashy weekly is probably one of the last hold-outs - in extravagant wide-broadsheet format, anyway - with class written all over it.

Thin yes, but packed with eye-catching publicity shots of the latest designer fashions and accessories to grace the expensive racks on Rodeo Drive, and elsewhere.

A couple of known columnists grace the pages inside - James Bacon (who often wistfully reflects on the golden days of Hollywood and - likewise - a handful of old drinking cronies) and Rex Reed (who's inclined to chat over the latest little celluloid offering that has either revved up a delightful fanciful experience or prompted a hateful diatribe about the misguided musings of a hack writer).

To add a touch of clubiness to the publication. the editors usually reserve a page or two for the express purpose of featuring flattering stills of the town's upper echelon out-on-the-town at glitzy red-carpet premieres and charity functions - sure to spread good will - and keep hefty donations flowing into the coffers.

Recently, I was thumbing through the publication over lunch at Whole Foods when I stumbled across a funny entertaining feature.

"Brain Optional" managed to breathe some fresh air into a staid old-guard attitude that normally prevails between the covers.

The feature is a weekly collection of hilarious quotes lifted from the tongues of the famous - and not-so-famous - that tend to tickle the funny bone.


In the studio days, Sam Goldwyn was known for putting his foot in his mouth with side-splitting results. His off-the-wall remarks were either a simple misuse of language - or quite frankly - a calculated effort on his part to drum up publicity for his thriving business.

Some allege that Pete Smith - his publicity agent - collected a handful of the witticisms and distributed them to the newspaper and radio columnists to fan the flames and set Goldwyn apart from the competition.

His odd-ball comments became were known as "Goldwynisms".

Here's an example:

One evening, a friend of Mr. Goldwyn's was casually sipping on a cocktail, when he noticed a new abstract painting hanging on a prominent place on the wall.

"Where did you get the beautiful Picasso?"

Goldwyn peered at it for a moment, then responded:

"I don't remember. I think it was in Paris. Somewhere over there on the Left Wing."

On another occasion, when he wasn't feeling too well, he sighed to a friend,

"I've been laid up with intentional flu."

"He treats me like the dirt under my feet" is a favorite of mine; probably because I imagine it was a quip he made about an actor.

Another zinger - "I would be sticking my head in a moose" - was obviously inspired by that old circus trick where the "Master of Ceremonies" wows the audience by placing his head inside the open jaws of a powerful lion.

Two famous ones attributed to Goldwyn are:

"An oral contract isn't worth the paper it's written on."

And, "Gentlemen, include me out."

And a show biz favorite I often use in film reviews:

"They stayed away in droves."

"Brain Optional" featured a handful of outrageously funny "Goldwynisms" in a recent issue which are attributed to various individuals in the public arena.

"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or the other."
George Bush

"Things are more like they are now than they ever were before."
Dwight D. Eisenhower

"Ninety percent of the game is half mental."
Yogi Berra

"The Streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's the people that make them unsafe."
Frank Rizzo

"Sure, its going to kill people. But, they may be dying of something else anyway."
Othal Brand
Texas Pesticide Review Board

"I haven't committed a crime. I failed to comply with the law."
David Dinkins
New York City Mayor
(Tax evasion issue)

"We have only one person to blame and that's each other."
Barry Beck
New York Ranger
(fight with player)

The above quote may starting popping up in conversations around California in the near future when gays start filing for divorces, I expect.

As the say at MGM, that's it folks!