Beckham...tight undies, must go!

Well, the bloom appears to be off the rose, if you're to believe a sports writer - T.J. Simers - at the LA Times.

"The bloke is already a joke," he laments.

Of course, the writer is referring to media darling David Beckham, who's endless battle with injuries has sidelined the soccer icon once again.

To some, he's sort-of a clever thief who scoffed up millions on a promise to perform, but ultimately failed to deliver right out of the gate.

In this rant - albeit an entertaining one - sensitive conversations normally relegated to the mysterious male locker room have busted right out on Page 2 of the Sports Section.

Yes, Simers cautions Becks about the perils of sporting tight underpants.

Contrary to the soccer stud's misguided notion that snug undies will juice up his sperm - and subsequent plans for a new addition to the family - the sports columnist points out that according to Dr. Landrum Shettles, an expert in this - er - area,

"Tight-fitting underwear are not recommended for men trying to father a child because it may raise testes temperature to a point where it interferes with the sperm production."

Gosh, I thought every guy knew that!

It was hammered into me since I was a wee lad that to protect the family jewels, boxer shorts were the undergarment of choice; and, a loose non-restrictive white tightie was known to be a particularly stylish sexy favorite among the ladies.

In fact, I even recall being warned not to ride a bicycle long periods with the leather seat riding up the crotch because the practice might hinder sexual performance, as well.

Generally speaking, to most males, it's common sense: don't take any chances when it come to the man tool, get my drift?

But frankly, I was under the impression that Becks didn't wear any underwear at all.

I mean - look at all those photos of the Super Stud on the Internet naked - well almost!

And, he's rarely spied full-throttle.

In fact, in the one featured above, he doesn't appear to have any male organs to fuss over.

Oh, I get it, they've been carefully tucked up for the photo op?

Maybe - it was because the one shot of his **** on the World-Wide-Web - was a bit of a turn-off.

The unsightly skin gift-wrapping the end of his member was not appealing to the picky.

Moms and Dads take note: circumcision may not be the unkindest cut of all.

Ouch!

When asked, a couple of fans were anxious to spout their opinions about the whole Beckham brouhaha.

"He's all washed up," quipped one.

"Look at a couple of the leading football players in the National League," piped another. "A handful of 'em are in their late forties and still goin' strong."

And what of Beckham?

Well, what with all those injuries in his prime, they conjecture that the time may be ripe for Becks to bow out of the game.

He could try his hand at modelling.

Of course, he could segue into coaching, as well.

Then again, he could stride into the role of Sports Commentator.

There have been some questions about his spelling ability (Victoria's name is misspelled in the tattoo on his arm); but, he may be capable of reading copy from a monitor.

Heck, he's got the looks for the on-camera gig.

Don't know many women (or men) in TV land that would throw him out of bed for eating crackers.

Just fix him up in a classic navy blue jacket and a rep tie, being mindful to point him in the direction of the camera.

But, David - for heaven's sake - if you take the desk job remember that the bikini-style undies will have to go if you're pining to be with child with Posh soon.