Earlier in the week, the LA TIMES featured a behind-the-scenes look at David Cronenberg's new film - Eastern Promises.
Obviously the detailed account of a fight scene with Viggo Mortensen in a bathhouse scene was a bold-faced effort by the producers to create some buzz for the film prior to the Nationwide release on Friday.
The reporter, Gina Piccalo, duly noted that Cronenberg captured every clammy square inch of Mortensen's well-toned flesh as it was pummeled and slashed and slammed into the unforgiving bathhouse tiles by two clothed real-life professional fighters, turning an otherwise excruciating four minutes of film into a quintessential Cronenberg statement.
For example, in the Times article, the Hollywood director excitedly recalled that he told the actor he wanted realism and body-ness in the key scene, so that the audience would be challenged to really experience the intimacy of such violence.
Intimacy of violence?
Well, there wasn't much intimacy, or common sense, or realism - for that matter - anywhere is this big-budget clunker.
In fact, even in the fight scenes - if you really want to get down to the nitty-gritty - it's obvious to any fool the shots were cleverly orchestrated and edited with razor-sharp precision to ensure that the body-ness he referred to - in particular that of Mortensen's male organs - were safely out of harm's way.
Let me be the first to tell you...Eastern Promises doesn't deliver on any artistic or intellectual level.
If this is supposed to be a feature in the suspense, or political spy-thriller genre, then Cronenberg managed to break the mould.
All that's left here are jagged pieces on the movie house floor, for audiences to grasp at - like straws!
In fact, one critic's wild comparisons to the "Godfather" are ludicrous; after all, there is no brilliance on the silver screen here, no groundbreaking filmmaking, no magic.
How would that be possible without a quality, well-written script?
And, without any insightful, talented director at the helm?
In a nutshell, the plot focuses on a young woman who stumbles into a hospital bleeding, who dies in childbirth.
A copious review of her diary reveals that she was raped, and forced into prostitution and drugs, by the nefarious Russian Mafia in London.
Heady stuff!
In an effort to save the child, Naomi Watts' character is forced to pursue the matter, and does so - albeit - hesitantly.
Although she holds her head high with some convincing acting, she basically goes down with the ship, what I would refer to as a ceremonial barge.
For starters, the dialogue is stilted, off its mark, and downright cliche.
Because Mortensen has delivered high-caliber performances on screen numerous occasions in the past - it is somewhat disappointing to find a shell of his former acting self - trussed up thick in this turkey...the worst movie of the year.
For all the brouhaha in the press, the film is a total washout!
Quintessential statement? Bull****.
Notwithstanding, the twisted tale's obvious flaws, it manages to go one step farther and takes a swipe a class of people who did not deserve the slap in the face.
For instance, when the Chauffeur played by Mortensen is asked to explain what lies were being spread about his son which warranted a gang-style murder, he offers up this little gem: "...they said he was queer".
Oh, gee, Then string him up by the *****, right now. He deserves a lynching, man.
Worse than that (If I didn't hear it with my very own ears, I wouldn't believe it) in one scene when the police arrive to test a lead character's blood to establish fatherhood, he gazes at his arm distastefully after he's been poked with the needle and mutters, "Now am I going to get the gay disease?"
That was not only a shocking, disgusting remark, but an insult to terminally-ill AIDS patients suffering from the incurable disease around the globe - and the thousands of health-care workers who toil endlessly on their behalf not only to prolong their lives but to ensure in their last days they are treated with dignity and respect.
The disgusting remarks, and the scripted messages in the plot line, were senseless, irresponsible, and ugly.
Which inspires me to beg the question...
Will the Producers admit their mistake and make an apology to the millions of infected Aids patients around the globe who were the target of their hateful innuendos for no good reason?
It is difficult to fathom how the Studio Execs overlooked one vital fact in the screening room: their film is a stinker.
Yeah, there's no originality, no clever or imaginative storytelling device, no nothing.
Eastern Promises?
That you will walk out of the Theatre offended, like I was.
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