Milan...Men's Collections Spring 2010!

In spite of the fact Spring 2010 is a bit far off, Fashion Designers trotted off to Milan recently to unveil their collections for men on runways that breathed new life into male animal chic.

As a kaleidoscope pulsated passionately in the background, Etro's confident macho male models strutted out in lively pant-and-shirt ensembles etched with wild Hawaiian prints, vivid paisleys, and - on occasion - streaks and splashes of pure unadulterated color sure to appeal to the peacock of the species.

Meanwhile, Roberto Cavalli was inclined to butch up his collection military-style, with the emphasis on male machismo.

Elaborate epaulets and toggles on wide-shouldered jackets effectively pumped up the upper torso to create a flattering virile silhouette.

Subtle industrial hardware flourishes beefed up the "studly" image, too.

In contrast, Marc Jacobs wowed adventurous coming-of-age style-magnet males with lipstick-kiss motifs on blousey shirts, a bevy of shorts prone to rise and fall all over a muscled leg (pleated, on occasion, sometimes not).


Street-smark Jacobs was wise to turn-out a bevy of biker jackets of all practical and fanciful persuasion (kinky, beefy, streetwise) sure to be winners in the mainstream.

Hollywood types - Depp, Pitt, and Pattinson, for starters - may be inspired to pluck up Jacob's quirky elongated Tuxedo on a fashion whim.

Come Spring (probably sooner), flaunting fashion-conscious dudes and a show-off gym bunny or two will undoubtedly snap up a gauzy (see thru) muscle shirt with armholes down to the waist that casually tease potential suitors when exposing a pumped-up pec or two.

Salvatore Ferragamo, one of my favorite chi-chi designers, trotted out chic suits with a big spotlight on subtle Italian tailoring and styling.

Slim double-breasted suits in fine wool or cotton gabardine will be all the rage when the first flower buds longingly strain for innocent spring skies that herald new prospects for the coming year.

Two-tone shoes, built on simple two-lace tie-up structures, made a welcome entry, too.

Ferre didn't surprise much, instead preferring to stray along mostly-familiar fashion territory with signature design flourishes that have been big sellers for that powerhouse in the past.

The stylish man-about-town may go broke over stand-out stand-alone (entree) pieces enriched with gold embroidery (still a fashion rage and revving up on T-shirts and designer jeans) or tooled in sexed-up body-hugging butter-soft leather.

Sleeveless shirts (tailored in all the right places) may entice a muscled chevron (or bicep) to flex a bit for show when a man's on the prowl.

Some uppity fashion editors did not warm up to Alexander McQueen's vision for Spring.

Just maybe, it was because naughty Alex elected to go a bit cerebral in Milan that week.

Instead of flaunting his collection on stage - so that the keen eyes of the critical fashion press could feast upon the offerings in a practical context on the runway as crafted fabric shells shaped and molded to flow in harmony with body parts and flesh - McQueen elected to present an esoteric video of an emotionally-charged artist smearing clay on walls.

McQueen's jumping-off point when under the fashion gun?

The slightly-balmy designer's off-the-wall presentation of the collection consisting mainly of suits and work wear daubed with paint - strung out on (yawn) plain old racks - underscored that it might be so.

I found the novelty fashion statements - decorated with line drawings, abstract prints, and patchworks - were bang on in view of the trends making leaps and bounds in pop culture circles this past year.

The so-called "lived-in-look" critics have turned a blind eye to - merely signal that the male of the species is becoming more comfortable in his skin - real or imagined.

The most whimsical offerings were out of "Costume National" labelled a collection for "Travelers & Curious Explorers".

Ennio Cpasa featured drop-crotch pants (great for hiking jaunts in France , n'est-ce pas?), ensemble pieces with rough edges to toughen up the image, and macho army boots to anchor any of the fashion fantasies about to take flight.

One design adventure - a cropped satin jacket with floral embroideries - hinted at a romantically-inspired trend to surface next year as the economy picks up, the recession is turned back, and the pleasure principle rails the day on the American fashion front once again.

Can't wait!

Armani cycle hunk trunks

Salvatore Ferragamo individual elegant style

http://www.julianayrs.com

Joe the Plumber...American voters down to "basic plumbing". Who has the best tools of the trade?

All the brouhaha last week about "Joe the Plumber" pretty much said it all.

For the American people, it all gets down to basic plumbing!

As I mulled over the issues, I suddenly recalled an old joke.

This regular "Joe" (no relation to the plumber guy) was on the job one day working around some heavy-duty mechanical equipment when a band of metal snapped off the machine and sliced off his penis.

Well, his fellow workers got him to the hospital faster than you could blink an eye.

Although his life was saved, he lost his much-loved man tool.

While he was recuperating in the hospital, a good buddy stopped in to cheer him up.

"Heh dude, when you're feeling your oats again, I'll take you to a specialist who can implant a fabricated organ that works just like the real thing."

The dude waved him off - and essentially - pooh-poohed the idea.

But, the pal was persistent.

One day - when his friend was out of the hospital and contentedly back at work - an idea hit him like a bolt of lightning.

He'd just take the guy by the hand one day (without revealing their destination) and hoodwink him into meeting with the doctor.

The planned worked.

However, as he sat and twiddled his thumbs in an easy chair in the clinic, he stammered for the words to express how he was feeling about the issue.

"Don't say a thing," the doctor cautioned him.

"I just want you to take a look at something."

At this juncture, the physician pulled open a drawer and revealed a fake eight-inch penis lovingly packed in a plastic wrapper inside.

The dude's eyes lit up.

He was about to say - "yes, let's do it" - when the doc held him back.

"Hold on a sec. Feast your eyes on this."

The doctor opened a second compartment where a ten-inch fake co** beckoned from inside in all its fabulous glory.

"Yes," they guy cried out as he excitedly struggled to get to his feet.

"Hold your horses," the doctor instructed.

"Inspect this here super-duper model."

He then unveiled a twelve-inch man-made male organ.

The worker jumped up ecstatically and shouted out his approval.

"I'll take it. I'll take it. Have you got it in white?"