There was a lot of high drama during rehearsals, on stage, and behind-the-scenes tonight on Dancing with the Stars.
Just before the curtain went up on the big Fox ratings-getter, the newswires were reporting that two of the female celebrity contestants on the show - Erin & Pamela - received death threats warning them not to dance "or else".
Though shaken, and emotionally wrought, both troopers followed true Hollywood tradition.
"The show must go!"
Two dancers - in sailor suits - got a total dressing-down from one judge for "breaking the rules".
Len was livid!
"It wasn't a traditional quick-step," he angrly scolded the handsome couple.
"It looked like a vaudeville act, with Gene Kelly returning to Hollywood fifty-years later," he noted with indignation.
Bruno agreed with Len that the winsome twosome didn't meet the criteria, but in spite of that little shortcoming, touted the performance for what it was.
I think Len was right to speak out, after all, it wasn't fair to the other contestants who were restricted by "Dancing with the Stars" rules - and thus - forced to meet the creative challenges imposed on them.
If every couple didn't follow the guidelines, and went their own way, what kind of a competition would that be?
In spite of the glaring misstep, one judge proudly waved an "8" on her score card, as if to spite Len.
Did Nicole and Derek get special treatment?
Just maybe, when you consider that while the other dancers sweated out their rehearsals in stuffy halls indoors at the studio, the darling couple tripped-the-light fantastic on a yacht in the harbour
Inquiring minds want to know!
Tonight's theme was "telling a story".
Ironic, that in Hollywood's dream factory at Fox studios, imaginative storytellers were far-and-few between.
Nicole and Derek chose to go the route of two sailors slacking off.
There were surprises (at one point, when she held him in her arms, she dropped him without warning and he crashed to the floor dazed), lots of high-spirted fun (she bumped him in the mug with her butt at one point in the slick broadway-style number) and happy-go-luck moments that wowed the audience.
In fact, ecstatic fans jumped to their feet and roared their approval for several deafening moments.
His fair looks, and her almond-shaped face in olive tones (set off by a rich mane of lustrous black hair), were a winning combination.
They were striking on stage, in fact, as they kicked up their heels and contorted their faces like keystone cops to the foot-tapping tune of "Anything Goes".
One judge quipped:
"When your show goes on the road, I want front row seats."
An Olympic skater - who broke two toes last week - valiantly danced on!
Buzz Aldrin stumbled through his stiff routine and faced critical judges once again.
The audience hissed and booed Len.
The former astronaut can do no wrong with the studio audience (or with viewers at home).
In rehearsal, Jake accused his female coach of treating him disrespectfully.
"Don't shut down, Jake," his partner begged.
They chose an Egyptian theme which was ho-hum.
Chelsea came off like a cheap tart in her torquoise peek-a-boo gown which was festooned with tacky flourishes.
Jake's chocolate brown suit was BORING!
Chelsea, was no Cleopatra, though she struggled to infuse some exotic sensuality into the mix.
Niecy was asked to imagine herself in the sixties in an era when inter-racial relationships were strictly taboo.
"Dancing with the Stars" got a little political at this juncture when her male partner (gay) hinted that scenario was one he was forced to face with his male lover daily.
Niecy broke down at one climatic moment and expressed how sorrowful it would be not to be able to show love for the person you cared for.
"I can't imagine what it would be like not to be with my boyfriend because of society."
Is she getting some help with a stylist?
Although she wore a flower in her hair once again - her signature - her choices in respect to gown and accessories were vastly improved.
A cream-colored par-tay dress with sequins at the bodice suited her.
But, the long sleeves were a fashion missstep, since they took away from a V-line which would have given the impression she was a lot slimmer than she actually is.
Judges thought her to be a highly emotional dancer.
True!
Her partner, Louis, needed to focus on technique (the judges concurred)
The "wide receiver" for a sports team improved his performance this week most agreed.
"After last week, I needed to re-energize and focus."
His story, about a matador trying to seduce a woman, mirrored life.
The athlete's attempted advances on his dance partner have been roundly rejected!
Dear, didn't 'ya know - once you've had Black - you never go back?
Just ask the hookers who have been dating Tiger Woods!
His pretty partner, in bright red, was nothing short of a spitfire!
"It felt good to get cocky and arrogant," he growled.
Down, boy!
Pamela Anderson faces a curious dilemma.
Though loved by the Judges, viewers held back last week and left her shocked and stewing in the bottom two of the rank and file.
To bolster her morale, Coochie-Choochie gal Charo popped in to coach Pam on flamingo dancing.
"Because of your big maracas, you have to pay attention to your posture and form," she wickedly laughed.
Pam and her partner wowed the audience and judges alike with their dramatic routine danced to the strains of one of my favorite "Animals" hits "Don't Let me Be Misunderstood".
One judge gushed that Pam got the story.
"You have a certain artistry that is great."
Bruno quipped:
"You were like a Bridgette Bardot playing a gypsy Queen. Fantastic!"
Aiden, was given the task of imaging a woman of his dreams, who magically materializes.
"She's killing me," he panted heavily in rehearsal.
The audience oohed and aahed when his wife appeared (by virtue of video clip) unexpectedly on his birthday with 7 month-old baby in tow.
His quick-step, one judge pointed, needed to be carefree (not careful).
Bruno, on the other hand, thought he gave the impression of being happy as a clam.
In a kinky segment, Erin was blindfolded and led around the stage at her partner's sinister whim.
In the rehearsal hall, he stressed that it was his way of gaining her trust.
Her gown was fashioned in glittering silver tones with sparkly flourishes at the bodice
"If you start with a blindfold, you may end up in handcuffs," Bruno cackled.
"There was a sense of danger. It was also breathtakingly artistic," another judge gushed.
The shocking disappointment of the night was the performance (!) by Kate Gosselin.
At rehearsal, she broke down in tears, and noted how difficult it was to let go of the mask she wore to the world.
"It's what I use to help me and my kids survive."
So, the producers brought in an acting coach, to help her "emote".
Kate went over-the-top with an idea she was unfortunately unable to execute successfully.
Her take on Lady GaGa and the frenzied Paparazzi not only fell flat - but rustled up a batch of bad reviews.
"It was - um - strange," one stammered.
Her bold-faced efforts to channel her frustrations into the routine didn't pan out.
To me, she came off like a child's doll that sprang to life, in need of oiling at the joints.
A cheesy scene from a low-budget B-horror flick?
You betcha!
Bruno labelled it pedestrian, with no passion or drama.
"A bitch from hell," he summarized.
Tom Bergeron quipped:
"And, that was a compliment."
They sure have skewered ideas on "Dancing with the Stars".
It's kind of like a train wreck, though.
No matter how hard you try, you can't tear yourself away from the scene of the tragedy.
Why is that?
People who "like" Murakami have taste up the wazoo.
