The opening scenes of "What would Jesus Buy?" are hilarious.
The insightful lens of the filmmakers capture frenzied consumers in the count-down before Christmas - in a mad crush of heightened consumer hysteria - fighting their way to bargains, precious gifts silky to-the-touch, and a long suffering need to satisfy their primal urge for shopping!
From the offset, it's evident that the true meaning of Christmas has been lost on American consumers; after all, their joy is more focused on a craving and an insatiable desire to buy and receive gifts than the birth of the young saviour they're supposed to be celebrating.
Enter Reverend Billy and his gang of merry choristers - effervescent - and attired in eye-catching flowing red robes.
In a sort-of-travellin' salvation show, the motley crew head out across the Nation in a rusty old bus to storm America's malls with the ultimate aim of healing an ailing America.
What is the stirring, uplifting, and inspiring message?
"Take heed brothers and sisters! The shopacalypse is upon us! America is fat with greed and addicted to shopping. Luckily, Reverend Billy and the Church of Stop Shopping Gospel Choir are here to save our souls from overspending."
According to the producers, Reverend Billy is dead-earnest.
No, he does not beg for the impossible - to wipe out shopping altogether - but he does encourage each and every shopper to be mindful of where their hard-earned dollars are going.
Of course, the band of merry pranksters do not meet without resistance.
On one mission, they appear at "Wal-Mart" unannounced, bow down to the retail giants billboard at the entrance of the store, and ritualistically attempt to exorcise the demons out of their greedy cash-registers!
Understandably, Wal-Mart is alarmed, and threatens to have the rag-tag band of spoil sports escorted off the property in the event they don't depart forthwith.
At this juncture, one of the agendas of - "What would Jesus Buy?" - rears its ugly head.
Reverend Bill and the filmmakers are out to expose Wal-Mart and other corporations as insensitive business entities who turn the main streets of America into ghost towns.
The aggressive protestors also point a finger at the practice of non-union hires, and the tendency of conglomerates to sell "non-American made" products in their stores which have often been crafted on the backs of slave labor in foregin nations.
In another momentous incident, the "Stop Shopping Choir" seize the opportunity to take the stage at the largest mall in America so their voices may be heard above the ominous ka-ching of the cash registers.
Understandably, the alleged do-gooders are miffed when they are escorted off the property.
That is one of the problems with the "What would Jesus buy?"
I'm all for peaceable assembly, but when Reverend Billy and his band of mischievous followers show up - they usually cause an uproar, disrupt businesses, perplex shoppers, and oftentimes alarm a gaggle of families out for a relaxing day at the mall.
Yes, one has the right to free speech and access to public space; but, it's a two-way street.
While the protestors are entitled to peaceably object to a retailer's business practices, likewise, the sellers have a reasonable expectation that they be allowed to engage in their free enterprise without harassment.
Notwithstanding this glaring problem with the documentary - produced by Morgan Spurlock - the filmmakers have failed to do their homework, as well.
Spurlock's team goes to great lengths to accuse, point fingers, and make nasty accusations about the companies in question.
But, no hard-core evidence has been presented on screen to support their wild allegations.
Moreover, I would have to cry foul, because the "other side" - Disney, Wal-mart, Starbucks - were never given the chance to offer up a defense on-camera, issue a public statement, or even account for their actions.
Is that what America is all about?
In addition, this film goes off on various tangents, to its detriment.
One moment Spurlock takes aim at Wal-Mart for its alleged gargantuan stranglehold on the retail business.
In the next, there is a half-a**ed expose on the evils of slave labor.
Essentially, Spurlock has thrown out a handful of stale ideas - without much background to support any of 'em - then, expects the audience to rely on news reports they may have encountered in the media - to fill in the blanks.
The man-of-the-cloth's methods are questionable, too.
For example, his gang secretly gained entrance to Disneyland on the sly under false pretenses; once inside, the cranks slipped on their Chorister garb and proceeded to cause quite a ruckus on Disneyland's sugar-coated "Main Street".
Did the selfish band of desperados ever stop and pause to consider how the disturbance might impact the young children and families present, just out for a well-deserved - but costly day - at the theme park?
Don't get me wrong - "What would Jesus Buy?" - is a funny doc and makes a powerful statement about the excesses of Christmas.
But, there is so much lacking.
"What would Jesus buy?" is sort-of a plum pudding without any filling.
Spurlock's lament about controversial views on the use of "public space" were well-taken, though.
You see, Reverend Billy has been arrested for a couple of riots he allegedly caused out-in-the-open.
At press time, he was gearing up for an appearance in a New York Court, to defend himself on charges of harrassing city-dwellers.
While I am not familiar with the particular incident, Reverend Billy contends that the arrest took place at Speakers's Corner at Union Square.
If that's the case, and his conduct was not as objectionable as the incidents on-camera in the film, I wholeheartedly support him in the cause.
The incident raises an important legal issue:
What kind of restrictions on free speech may the government impose on public sidewalks and in City parks?
The three categories of public spaces I am referring to have been identified by the Court in the past as (1) the traditional public forum; (2) the designated public forum (which might be either “limited” or "unlimited"); and (3) the non-public forum.
In the past, the Court has ruled that:
"Streets and parks have been held in trust for the use of the public and have been used for the purposes of assembly, communicating thoughts between citizens, and discussing public issues. Such use has, from ancient times, been part of the privileges, immunities, and liberties of citizens."
I'm all for the right to free speech and believe that all Americans (and Citizens of the World in general) should vigorously defend it when threatened.
In the final analysis, "Would Jesus shop at Wal-mart?"
Probably not.
But, in all truth, it's doubtful he'd spring for a ticket for the film either because there is not a lot that is Christian about it.
"Jesus" is fun flawed filmmaking - brimming with good visuals, sight gags, and mindless entertainment - but leaves a bad aftertaste in the mouth.
Good luck with the screenings, Spurlock!
