Palin...Who's Sarah? Charlie Gibson to probe Ice Queen on ABC!

Gibson insightfully probes Reeves on acting techniques...


Shortly after McCain announced his pick for VP, the sh** hit the fan!

In fact - there was quite a furor on the Internet over the next few days - as a couple of scandals were uncovered and rivals reared their ugly heads - spilling the ice flows on the Vice Presidential hopeful's tawdry past.

Consequently - in the wake of the brouhaha - Sarah was quickly scuttled away from the prying eyes of the media (interviews with Larry King and others were squelched) and a protective (impenetrable) shield was erected around the top-heavy controversial candidate.

To many, it appeared that Palin's big "coming out" speech was carefully ghost-written to conjure up the images of a wholesome "hockey" mom, totally blemish-free.

Yup, Sarah's just one of a handful of regular folks, out to steadfastly pursue her civic duty.

But, the fact that her handlers were reticent about unleashing her to the media - without advisers and political coaches in tow - signalled trouble in Camelot.

Could Sarah be trusted to open her fat yap without destroying the stellar construct the republicans were rehabilitating for her to inhabit?

We'll know soon enough when Charles Gibson - at ABC News - interviews the elusive State Trooper-hater in just about a nano second.

Charles Gibson?

Is the aw-shucks good-guy newsie capable of crafting the kind of hard-hitting questions capable of wrestling the "goods" out of the effervescent gun-toting anti-abortionist charmer?

With that in mind, I've rustled up a handful of probing questions, sure to engender a quick reveal on the Palin mystique.

1. Are your ubiquitous specs for show or are you blind as a bat?
2. What does Caribou meat taste like in five native words or less?
3. Do you sleep in the buff?
4. What attracted you to Tom - personality, man tool, smarts?
5. Do you ever regret being uprooted to Icetown, USA?
6. Was son Tackle conceived on a fishing jaunt?
7. Your modus operandi in bed is self-control or out-of-control?
8. Where do you pack your pistol on the campaign trail?

I trust the answers will be forthcoming without need of a subpoena!


Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?

Barack Obama...creases in crotch require grooming tips!

Works every time on dress shirts, too!



If you saw the morning papers, you probably noticed all the "creases" in the crotch area of Barack Obama's slacks as he stood outside Downing Street chatting up England's Prime Minister.

Ah, this means one of two things.

Barack was either wearing "linen" slacks which crease at the drop of a hat (plunking down in an easy chair just once will do the trick) or has been sitting on his fanny too much chewing the fat with World Leaders overseas.

Fortunately for Barack, I am a former Men's Fashion Writer.

My column - "Dressing Right" - appeared in a Southam News daily.

Needless to say, I have a couple of handy grooming tips at my disposal to pass on.

Of course, Obama could take the easy way out. For example, he has only to "knock up" (English term for calling a bloke on the phone) the Concierge and ask that the Hotel cleaners give 'em a quick once over.

But, in view of the recent "prayer" episode in Jerusalem, maybe not such a good idea!

The Fleet Street rags would have their scumbag reporters all over those trousers - like flies on sh** - scouring the label for his designer, verifying the circumference of his waist and length of leg - and so on and so forth.

Well, there is a smart alternative!

Barack could tote a "compact" iron in his well-travelled suitcase. But - at "Customs" - that dandy little helper may be considered a bit fussy by onlookers (and a trifle "gay").

Wouldn't you say?

Besides, if Barack slips up and places the iron directly on the fabric, he'll end up with a shine in the seat of his pants! Who wants a glow coming up the rear?

Barack, just hang your slacks on a coat hanger on the shower curtain rod in the loo (English term for bathroom). Then, turn on the hot water full blast.

And, don't forget to tightly shut all the windows and doors!

In about twenty minutes, the designer duds will be steam-pressed, for free!

Ah, lucky for Barack, I'm pretty capable when it comes to pressing matters of State!

Maybe I should make a pitch for the illustrious role of "man's man"?

Or, would that be considered too "piss elegant" by American voters?

They're so touchy, 'ya know?


A little body sculpting may be in the offing too...

Hillary Clinton...the dream slips away. Barack mindful baggage costs extra!

Rumors floated around in the last thrust of the primaries earlier this week that some negotiating was going on behind-the-scenes to exchange pledges for a toasty VP slot for Hillary Clinton.

The scuttlebutt revved up a little when word filtered out that Obama knocked Hillary up ( English term for calling someone on the telephone) and suggested they get together for a chat when things calmed down a bit.

In spite of the fact pundits and the insiders alike hinted that wily Hillary was a designer shoe-in for the "dream ticket", conflicting statements started filtering out of both camps.

I guess someone woke up from the nightmare!

"No overtures were made," stressed a loyal poker-faced chieftain playing cards close to the chest in the Clinton camp.

Meanwhile, press outlets started reporting that in a clandestine conference call with key players on the Democratic ticket scene, Hillary swore up-and-down she'd do whatever it took to help usher Obama-cakes into the Oval Office in November. And, some allege, she slyly made a ploy for the second-place slot on the ticket, somewhat obsequiously.

Boy, would I have liked to have been a fly on that wall!

But, something must have gone awry.

Suddenly, on the heels of his big-win Tuesday, Obama did a bit of an about-face.

To an incredulous media, he announced he'd wait 'til fall to name a running mate.

Ouch!

But, it was the stunner about mulling over potential candidates, that tipped me off.

If Obama isn't sure about Hillary now, he'll never be come he** or high water.

In retrospect, all the shenanigans leading up-to and in-the-wake of securing the much coveted prize, amounted to a lot of flimsy posturing, the swallowing-of-pride, you name-call it.

So, what fell down and went boom?

Perhaps, Lady Diana said it best.

Three in a marriage just doesn't work.

If it wasn't slick Willy's fault, then just maybe Hillary's to blame for failing to be a "gentleman" on Tuesday night - and ultimately - for being a spoil sport.

After all, boys will be boys.

What do I predict?

No Hillary. No Edwards.

Yup, it's all about change.

So, I hazard a guess that "Golden Boy" will be scratching around for a spanking new candidate without any baggage.

Bet 'ya a fiver, dudes.



Reflections in a golden eye...

Barack Obama...say what? Senior analyst disassociates with sports tied to African Americans!

Barack on the "down low"...
(pictured left)



Just when we thought issues pertaining to the race card were dealt a final deadly blow - and tucked away into the good night - another wild zinger zips out of the Barack Obama camp!

At media outlets around the Nation, the morning papers were running photographs of Obama sprinting about the basketball court, underscoring his vim and vigor at the tender age of 46 big ones!

Heh, judging by comments from the ring-siders, Obama put the competing players half his age to shame!

Some have scratched their heads and wondered why Oprah's good buddy hasn't capitalized on the athletic image, especially in view of the fact some whine that Senator John McCain is too old to run for President.

According to the Senator from Illinois, age is not an issue.

A bit of diplomacy on his part, perhaps?

And, when asked why there weren't any press junkets booked around his favorite past-time, the presidential candidate stressed that when he's on the court - it's his downtime - and one of those rare occasions when he is able to relax out of the political spotlight.

In view of a comment made by his Senior Analyst - on the heels of the Obama revelation - one has to wonder...surely that's not entirely true?

After all, in one of those jaw-dropping moments, the aide allegedly let is slip that the reason there were few photo ops - or in-your-face reports from the stands - was due to the fact there was some reluctance on the part of the Obama team to show the candidate playing a sport heavily associated with African Americans.

Oops! Someone put their foot in it...

Hoop nightmares, do ya think?