As I was waltzing out the door of my Hotel room, I suddenly heard an ABC TV announcer urge viewers to stay tuned for a much-anticipated swim competition between Olympic Gold Medalist Michael Phelps and court Pro Shaq O'Neal.
OMG!
It slipped my mind.
I turned on my heel, kicked off my shoes, cracked open a brewski, and waited with bated breath for the "games" to begin.
In the opening teaser, ABC broadcast an interview with the two unlikely challengers, which was taped last week.
Phelps, sporting a full beard and (tame) moustache (and attired in a smart-suit ensemble) was surprisingly quick on the uptake.
In fact, when Shaq was inclined to go for the juglar - and make a show of it (at Phelp's expense) - the swimmer adeptly put the huge hulk-of-a-man in his place pronto.
Good on you, Michael!
Then, there was a flash-forward to the festivities getting underway.
Prior to the actual racing match, Shaq was treated to a coaching session with Phelp's personal trainer, Bob Bowman.
Cut to the pool.
When Shaq first dove in, the splash was so bombastic, that I expect the displaced water required the pool be topped up.
I laughed out loud when ABC traced Shaq's by way of an underwater camera - after all - the image was somewhat reminiscent of a blimp flopping forward upstream against a cruel relentless current.
After some pointers from the coach (for instance, advice on how to dip the head and affect a more effecient turn at the end of the lap) Shaq was put to the test.
His first attempt in a trial run (the coach recorded his time with a precision stop-watch for future reference) wasn't half-bad.
Did the likable lug want to take a second shot at it?
You bet!
"I never get tired," Shaq growled into the camera lens poolside.
And, judging from his scores, the power-house athlete was obviously prone to improving his water-sports-skills with practice!
Indeed!
In a few short stints, the "Man of Steel" shaved a minute or two off of his orginal record.
Meanwhile, Phelps spent part of his week with a group of children, who were delighted to meet the swim great!
At this juncture, things got curiouser and curiouser, though.
I was anxious to get a "look-see" at Michael's suitsuit so that I could report the "fashion" flash to my blog readers - who, for the most part - are Phelp's fans.
But, it was tough getting a gander at the Gold Medalist's bod below his slim muscled waist.
For example, on one occasion when the camera lens focused on Phelps in the pool with a dozen or so frolicking kids, his crotch was obscured by child-body-parts!
Another shot focused on Michael's "torso" (just for a second or two) as he kibitzed with the kids.
There were split-second "side-shots" and sly pans of Michael amidst the "multitudes" - but, darn it (!) - there wasn't any up-close (or clear-cut) footage of Michael in his skimpy speedo-style swimsuit.
Consequently, I was unable to discern the pattern, brand name, whether it fit snugly or not ('ya get my drift, eh?), and-so-forth and-so-on.
Golly, if I didn't know better (!) I'd actually come to the conclusion that someone behind-the-scenes used a bit of judicious editing to ensure Michael's "business" wasn't hanging out during the family-hour on ABC TV.
A few seconds later, however, a segment featuring a blond blimbo newsie interviewing the Olympic stud, cracked me up.
When she turned to the camera to sign off, she was blushing, and clearly smitten by Phelps.
She was hot-to-trot alright.
Just betcha, her bra and panties would have flown off her sexy bod with wild passionate abandon, had Michael made a subtle move in the locker room.
Speaking of locker rooms.
At one point, as the two athletes were suiting up, it appeared that Shaq was trying to psyche Michael out.
To no avail.
Maybe it was because Michael was "playing" his home town (Baltimore).
In sum, the "Bullet" was obviously keen to the fact that he had the advantage.
In the first competition, Shaq zoomed to the finish line first-place!
The crowd roared!
In a second race - in which Phelps faced a relay team consisting of three Olympic female swimmers of some renown in the swim arena (in addition to Shaq) - it was too close for comfort.
No cigar for Shaq and his pussy dolls, though!
By the time the third race rolled around, Shaq decided to get down to business.
He dropped his drawers.
Lo & behold!
The "whale" was sporting a slinky skimpy suit sure to slice a fine swath through the crystal waters.
At this juncture, Shaq strutted, wiggled his a** for the fans, then hopped into the pool undaunted.
Now, it was down to the wire, mano-a-mano!
In the rivetting final swim heat, Phelps managed to squeak ahead and snatch the victory out from the iron jaw of the "Man of Steel" by a sliver of a second.
The fans went wild.
In the final analysis, the ticket-holders got a lot of bang for their buck.
So, what's next on the career agenda for Phelps?
A reality show, perhaps.
News at 11!
For spectators, the perennial favs will be out in full garb; the West Hollywood Cheerleaders, for example, in their wild bouffant hairdos, careening roller-skates, and eye-catching red & white outfits (with tight-fitting sweaters stretched to the maxso that over-size boobs can bob gloriously in the fray).
