Michael Phelps...Baltimore Bullet beats Superman! ABC censors athlete's "business" for family hour...

As I was waltzing out the door of my Hotel room, I suddenly heard an ABC TV announcer urge viewers to stay tuned for a much-anticipated swim competition between Olympic Gold Medalist Michael Phelps and court Pro Shaq O'Neal.

OMG!

It slipped my mind.

I turned on my heel, kicked off my shoes, cracked open a brewski, and waited with bated breath for the  "games" to begin.

In the opening teaser, ABC broadcast an interview with the two unlikely challengers, which was taped last week.

Phelps, sporting a full beard and (tame) moustache (and attired in a smart-suit ensemble) was surprisingly quick on the uptake.

In fact, when Shaq was inclined to go for the juglar - and make a show of it  (at Phelp's expense) - the swimmer adeptly put the huge hulk-of-a-man in his place pronto.

Good on you, Michael!

Then, there was a flash-forward to the festivities getting underway.

Prior to the actual racing match, Shaq was treated to a coaching session with Phelp's personal trainer, Bob Bowman.

Cut to the pool.

When Shaq first dove in, the splash was so bombastic, that I expect the displaced water required the pool be topped up.

I laughed out loud when ABC traced Shaq's by way of an underwater camera  - after all - the image was somewhat reminiscent of a blimp flopping forward upstream against a cruel relentless current.

After some pointers from the coach (for instance, advice on how to dip the head and affect a more effecient turn at the end of the lap) Shaq was put to the test.

His first attempt in a trial run (the coach recorded his time with a precision stop-watch for future reference) wasn't half-bad.

Did the likable lug want to take a second shot at it?

You bet!

"I never get tired," Shaq growled into the camera lens poolside.

And, judging from his scores, the power-house athlete was obviously prone to improving his water-sports-skills with practice!

Indeed!

In a few short stints, the "Man of Steel" shaved a minute or two off of his orginal record.

Meanwhile, Phelps spent part of his week with a group of children, who were delighted to meet the swim great!

At this juncture, things got curiouser and curiouser, though.

I was anxious to get a "look-see" at Michael's suitsuit so that I could report the "fashion" flash to my blog readers - who, for the most part - are Phelp's fans.

But, it was tough getting a gander at the Gold Medalist's bod below his slim muscled waist.

For example, on one occasion when the camera lens focused on Phelps in the pool with a dozen or so frolicking kids, his crotch was obscured by child-body-parts!

Another shot focused on Michael's "torso" (just for a second or two) as he kibitzed with the kids.

There were split-second "side-shots" and sly pans of  Michael amidst the "multitudes" -  but, darn it (!) - there wasn't any up-close (or clear-cut)  footage of  Michael in his skimpy speedo-style swimsuit.

Consequently, I was unable to discern the pattern, brand name, whether it fit snugly or not ('ya get my drift, eh?), and-so-forth and-so-on.

Golly, if  I didn't know better (!) I'd actually come to the conclusion that someone behind-the-scenes used a bit of judicious editing to ensure Michael's "business" wasn't hanging out during the family-hour on ABC TV.

A few seconds later, however, a segment featuring a blond blimbo newsie interviewing the Olympic stud, cracked me up.

When she turned to the camera to sign off, she was blushing, and clearly smitten by Phelps.

She was hot-to-trot alright. 

Just betcha, her bra and panties would have flown off her sexy bod with wild passionate abandon, had Michael made a subtle move in the locker room.

Speaking of  locker rooms.

At one point, as the two athletes were suiting up, it appeared that Shaq was trying to psyche Michael out.

To no avail.

Maybe it was because Michael was "playing"  his home town (Baltimore).

In sum, the "Bullet" was obviously keen to the fact that he had the advantage.

In the first competition, Shaq zoomed to the finish line first-place!

The crowd roared!

In a second race - in which Phelps faced a relay team consisting of  three Olympic female swimmers of some renown in the swim arena (in addition to Shaq) - it was too close for comfort.

No cigar for Shaq and his pussy dolls, though!

By the time the third race rolled around, Shaq decided to get down to business.

He dropped his drawers.

Lo & behold!

The "whale" was sporting a slinky skimpy suit sure to slice a fine swath through the crystal waters.

At this juncture, Shaq strutted, wiggled his a** for the fans, then hopped into the pool undaunted.

Now, it was down to the wire, mano-a-mano!

In the rivetting final swim heat, Phelps managed to squeak ahead and snatch the victory out from the iron jaw of  the "Man of Steel" by a sliver of a second.

The fans went wild.

In the final analysis, the ticket-holders got a lot of  bang for their buck.

So, what's next on the career agenda for Phelps?

A reality show, perhaps.

News at 11!

http://www.julianayrs.com

Michael Phelps...smoking a doobie tough to fess up to!

Michael Phelps has been keeping a relatively low profile since he "bombed" big time over a dope-smoking incident at a University campus last fall.

Amid quite a bit of hoopla - the Olympic Gold Medalist turned up at NBC at the crack of dawn this morning - ready to fess up - right?

Well, kinda.

In his first appearance on a major network talk show since the scandal hit, "Today" talk-show host Matt Lauer tried reaching for the brass ring, but fell short.

As much as the smooth broadcaster tried, it was a difficult task pinning the twenty-something stud down, in so many words.

For instance, when Lauer asked Phelps point blank if he smoked dope, America's once-shining hero avoided fessing up with a definitive "yes".

"It was a big mistake," he admitted somewhat painfully.

"It"?

For those who were clueless (duh!) he clarified his evasive response a smidgen.

"And, we all know what I am talking about."

Tough to chew on, when you consider that the celebrated Olympic Gold Medalist's strokes are always so precise.

Just remember one thing at this stage of the game, Michael.

The truth will set you free!

Breakfast of Champion pot smokers!

www.julianayrs.com

Michael Phelps...disciplined for dope-smoking incident! Suspended 3 months...

For medicinal purposes, dude!

Late today - surprise! surprise! - news was filtering out on news wires that swimmer Michael Phelps - hot-shot Olympic Gold Medalist (turned druggie?) has been suspended from competition for three months by USA Swimming.

A forthcoming slap on the wrist was not unexpected to keen observers on the shore, though - who even anticipated possible jail time for the jock - after amateur paparazzi snapped a revealing still of Phelps smoking dope at a party a few months ago at Southern California University with stoned pals.

Although it is doubtful a suspension of financial aid will cramp Michael's style or his ability to tool down to the local pot dispensary to scarf up a bag of the sweet-smelling hootch at whim, officials chose to do just that anyway, effective Thursday.

"This is not a situation where any anti-doping rule was violated," a rep noted for the record, however.

In view of the seriousness of the scandal , the powers-that-be opted to fire a warning shot off Michael's bow, though.

Yeah, in addition to being labelled a dope smoker - caught up in wild reefer madness - the kid-from-nowhere has now become an International scape goat!

Officials argue that because the Olympic Gold Medalist disappointed fans and young kids who looked up to him as a role model, that they must extract a pound of flesh.

Apparently, it is no water off this duck's back, though.

“Michael has voluntarily accepted the reprimand and is committed to earning back our trust," piped in another Official on the sideliness.

Stay tuned for part two of the saga.

News at 11!

http://www.julianayrs.com

Michael Phelps...swimmer's dope smoking! Quote of day...

For medicinal purposes, dude!

Cruising across town this afternoon, I was flicking the dial on the radio, when I stumbled across the Tom Leykis talk show on 97.1 FM.

The spirited chat fest was focused on Michael Phelps on the heels of a news flash over the week-end that reported the Gold Medalist was snapped on film smoking the evil weed, Marijuana.

And, not just for medicinal purposes!

Of course, any arguments from Olympic dope-testing officials that a joint or two might enhance sports performance - which could result in a "foul" against the 23 year-old stud - falls on deaf ears in this corner.

For good reason!

Whenever I inhaled a toke in my wild rebellious youth, I usually ended up getting lost in the intricate designs on the carpet.

I guess that's what you'd call a magic carpet ride!

Shortly thereafter, like clockwork, I'd keel over and slip off into a euphoric dream state!

After fielding a few hotly debated issues on air, Leykis uttered the quote of the day.

"When I first caught Phelps being interviewed on a television talk show, I thought he was a dweeb. Now, I realize, he was probably just stoned."

Don't Bogart that joint, eh?

Arnold elucidates effects of the high!

www.julianayrs.com

Michael Phelps...caught smoking dope! Image shattered?

A photo capturing Olympic Gold Medal winner Michael Phelps smoking dope surfaced in the media over the weekend placing the 2008 Olympic stud's squeaky-clean image in serious jeopardy.

And, the incident also raises some intriguing questions.

Allegedly, the revealing snapshot of Phelps was taken back in November at a party at the University of South Carolina when he attended a Gamecocks football game.

Phelps, with cap screwed on backyards rapper-style, was caught on film holding a pipe to his mouth with his right hand while lighting it with the other.

Why did it take so long for the damaging image to come to light?

Were there behind-the-scenes maneuverings to suppress the incriminating photo - and ultimately - quash its release?

No matter, I guess.

The popular role model - idolized by millions - was quick to admit a slip in character in a statement he released through his manager over the weekend.

"I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment."

The young bachelor went on to note that the dope smoking was inappropriate and a youthful act that amounted to conduct fans never expected from the Olympic hero.

The prepared statement gave the impression that the incident of drug use was an isolated one - but in view of the drug paraphernalia Phelps was facilitating on the occasion - one has to seriously wonder.

The pipe or "glass bomb" the athlete was using is often the utensil of choice for habitual users because it packs a wallop, and hence, intensifies the high.

Of course, to baby-boomers, it's no big deal to admit to smoking grass.

Even former President Bill Clinton admitted to taking a toke - on a controlled substance paranoid critics have often referred to as the killer weed.

If you're to believe the waffling slick Willy, though, he didn't "inhale".

Right, Bill.

Marijuana, per se, is classified by the World anti-doping Agency (which oversees Olympic & International Drug Testing) as a banned "in competition" drug.

Therefore, Golden Boy Phelps - although fallen from Grace - is unlikely to face any punishment or suspension for his after-hours leisure activity.

To the powers-that-be, Phelps is not even considered a candidate for investigation, in respect to the issue of use of performance-enhancing drugs for professional gain in the sports arena.

For good reason.

Phelps has never failed a drug test during his active swim career.

An athlete is subject to WADA sanctions only when a positive test occurs during competition periods.

The incident is an embarrassment for the U.S. Olympic Committee who recently named Phelps its male athlete of the year.

Which again raises questions about the "timing" of the release of the incriminating photograph.

Although the Committee acknowledged they were disappointed in Michael's thoughtless indulgence, they expressed confidence that their "top gun" will be able to go forward and set the right example expected from an Olympic champion henceforth.

Maybe Phelps needs to find a girlfriend (or boyfriend) to keep him out of trouble on those dark lonely nights?

Interestingly, the tawdry tale was not front page news in any of the local dailies bright and early this morning.

Indeed!

A handful of the reports have been discreetly tucked away in the back pages of the sports section, in fact, with little or no sensationalism.

Has the stumble knocked Phelps off his pedestal in the eyes of the media?

Maybe, but undoubtedly - once this post is published - the hits will rev up as usual.

To the readers at The Tattler - he's still a heart-throb and media darling - and the focus of a lot of titillating speculation (and a lot of wishful thinking, if you get my drift).

So, when is Michael's next big splash?

We wait with bated breath!

Will Rogers once said:

"We all can't be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by."

The look of regret?

http://www.julianayrs.com

Michael Phelps...nookie & Nicole Johnson! Gal pal for keeps?

The big buzz in gossip circles is that Michael Phelps is getting some nookie in Vegas!

The big whale - um - Gold Medal Swimmer (& sexy spokesperson for the Breakfast of Champions) has been spied arm 'n arm 'round the romantic desert oasis with sexy gal pal, Nicole Johnson.

Johnson is a former beauty Queen!
(Miss California 2007 second runner-up)

A thousand hearts must be crushed as the news streaks around the globe!

Is the love tryst just a fall fling or is Michael about to set up a cozy little love nest with Nicole in the winter months ahead?

News at 11!

Michael Phelps...Barbara WaWa has sights set on interview with swim champion!

In the next couple of weeks, Barbara Walters will tackle an interview with America's hunky sweetheart, Michael Phelps.

In the event Ms. Walters is inclined to pose the question - "If you were a tree, what kind of a tree would you be?" - I expect the Olympic Champion's response to be forthcoming.

A towering Oak, perhaps?

Undoubtedly, the gold-medal winner's sex life will be fair game, too.

After all, when Ricky Martin appeared on a special one year - which coincided with widespread rumors about his sexuality - Ms. Walters had no qualms quizzing the heart-throb about a question foremost on inquiring minds everywhere.

Are you gay, Ricky?

The Latin Lothario's reluctance to respond - caught off guard was he? - spoke volumes to most Americans!

Yup, he's a fag!

Unless Michael can rustle up a girlfriend between now and the broadcast date, I expect Walters will grill the sexy stud on the hotseat, too.

Of course, Ms. Walters will have tender moments when she focuses on Michael's tough and troubled childhood.

Being raised by a single mother, with limited funds and resources, is always the kind of background fodder that tugs on the heart strings, no matter who the subject.


A couple of questions are ripe for her scalpel.

Were you a happy kid?

What was it with that Fu Manchu moustache, anyway?

Be straight with me, Michael. How did you break that arm, really?

In spite of the fact the insightful Walters will probe where no other woman has gone before - and saunter into naughty territory where she has no business venturing along the wet-and-slippery way - she'll end the lobotomy with a sweet smile and a cute little quip.

I've got one.

You've been such a sport, Michael!

Michael Phelps...you've got mail! Fans post plaudits...

Over the past couple of weeks, I noted that a smattering of articles posted about Michael Phelps on my blogs, have racked up a staggering number of hits.

The fan frenzy, in the wake of his astounding unprecedented wins at the Beijing Olympics, underscores just how popular the Olympic Gold Medalist remains both here and abroad!

But, now there is a new phenomenon unfolding.

Some admirers are trying to actually reach out and communicate their thoughts to their role model.

In absence of a physical address to reach Michael at, I guess, a few fans have opted to post notes for the Olympic Champion at my blog site at wordpress.

Heh, Michael!

If you happen to read this post, take note.

You've got mail at: www.julian1st.wordpress.com

See 'ya!

Michael Phelps...Saturday Night Live host! NBC. September 13th...

Pool Stud to surface on Late Night Television...


So, you have to wonder on the heels of the announcement that Michael Phelps will host the season opener for Saturday Night Live, what kind of schtick the celebrated swimmer may get tangled up in under the wicked spell of producer, Lorne Michaels.

Phelps has only to stroll out in his skimpy speedo with the eight gold trinkets he won slung around his neck - to satisfy his fans - I expect.

How 'bout an off-beat skit poking fun at the Olympic Champion?

For starters, how 'bout Phelps cruising around Tinsel Town in one of those oversize stretch limos - with jacuzzi in back (bubbly, a must) - with a bevy of bodacious babes in tow who cater to his every every whim?

Yeah, Michael goes Hollywood!

Follow this up with a side-splitting skit featuring Aqua Man being shaken down by the paparazzi in front of The Villa or Koi - Lorne - and a merry chase through the tony streets of Beverly Hills with Phelps half-naked?

Or, how about a sly poke at the trappings of fame, when Phelps goes house-hunting for a ritzy Beverly Hills manse? And, a hilarious bit, haggling with contractors over the semantics of installing a replica of the "cube" in the backyard next to his futuristic digs on stilts overlooking the picturesque hills?

Ah, so many tantalizing ideas!

The show - whatever it unfolds under the guise of - will be broadcast on NBC on September 13th (this weekend).

The 23-year-old Gold Medalist will kick off SNL's 34th season!

Undoubtedly, the network is going full throttle, hoping to scoop up some of those sky-high ratings that followed Phelps around the Olympic lanes.

After all, an unprecedented millions tuned in to the boob tube to root for Phelps, when he competed at the landmark Beijing Olympics.

Of course, at those history-making games, Phelps demolished world records and left the competition in his wake.

The highlight of the races was undoubtedly the moment when Phelps won his 7th Gold Medal by beating a fierce competitor - Milorad Cavic - by the slimmest and most-dramatic margin imaginable.

Yeah, one-hundredth of a second!

But, Phelps went on to nab a perfect score of 8 gold medals out of a possible 8 - and, subsequently - broke Mark Spitz's single-Games record for most gold medals ever won.


Notwithstanding, the icing on the cake included an Olympic record, which garnered Phelps the title of most-decorated Olympian in history.

When the dust settled, he was left holding seven world records in the highly-competitive and exhausting swimming arena.

Dramatic!

Water sports aside, the hunky Olympic hero is also known as a hip-hop artist fan, who racks up a roster of funky tunes on his iPod before the competitions begin.

So, for Phelps - sharing his SNL debut with hip-hop superstar co-host Lil Wayne - must be real sweet!

Let the SNL comedies begin!


This one's for you, Ma!

Michael Phelps...appears in streaming video today. Pitch for 2016 Olympics!

Phelps slices through water with power and grace...


Michael Phelps fans - anxious to snatch up every delicious detail about his public, professional, and private life - may be pleased to know that he'll be in Chicago today (September 3rd, 2008) to share his Beijing Olympic experiences via a live-streaming-video interview and web chat. (link below)

In addition to discussing the historic Beijing Olympic "wins", the Olympic Gold Medalist is expected to expound on the prospect of a bid to bring the Olympic Games to Chicago in 2016.

"I'm excited to be able to share my experiences in Beijing with the public on the Chicago 2016 Channel," said Phelps, on route to the event

"I invite everyone to join me online to chat about the incredible experience of the Beijing Games and what it would mean to have Chicago host the 2016 Olympic and Paralympic Games."

Meanwhile, Chicago Chairman Patrick G. Ryan enthusiastically noted to a gaggle of reporters on hand,

"We appreciate Michael sharing his Olympic experiences with us and welcome his insights and leadership into how the Games can return to the United States in 2016."

Ryan gushed there wasn't anyone more suitable to help inspire Americans about the Olympic experience and ideals than history-making Olympic champion Phelps.

I agree!

Surf to:

http://www.Chicago2016Channel.com

Phelps not blinded by the bling...

Beijing Olympics...bad jokes circulating!

What do they call a "69" in China?
Two can chew!

Michael Phelps...hits tenfold! Stylish Mom in on action, too!

Michael Phelps splashes onto world stage...


As I reported a few days ago - during a span of one week when Michael Phelps was blasting his way into Olympic history at the Beijing games - my blog site revved up and soared in popularity around the globe because of a staggering number of frenzied fans seeking out tidbits of news about America's instant "golden boy".

After a couple of follow-up features, I expected the hysteria to drop off, though.

I was quite delirious - to say the least - when I logged on yesterday morning to discover that my blog stats reflected that due to the Michael Phelps posts - hits were boosted tenfold overnight.

Today, the trend has continued!

Just goes to show 'ya what happens when you hitch a ride with a superstar.

You get catapulted into the stratosphere - and there is no looking back - I guess.

In recent days, the phenomenon that is "Michael Phelps" has continued to surge forward full-steam ahead.

Facebook reported, for instance, that the Olympic Gold Medalist had a million requests for "friend" status at the most popular social hub on the Internet.

And, on the heels of his historic wins, the studly swimmer was signed to grace the package of a popular morning breakfast cereal.

"Breakfast-of-Champions-style"

Even humble "Mom" managed to snatch up a little of the limelight, too.

USA Today reported that fans not only took note of the outfits she was inclined to sport in the stands each day - but later dashed into Chico's to pull the attractive outfits off the racks - to emulate the stylish woman.

Can a signature line be in the offing?

And, all the hoopla will be recorded for posterity in a published tome.

According to news flashes this weekend - it was revealed that Michael Phelps has signed a pact with a publisher to write a book about all the behind-the-scenes events at the Beijing Olympics - which is sure to excite his enthusiastic fan base.

"Built to Succeed" will focus on his philosophy on training and competition.

He has one, at such a young age?

I guess so, to score so big at the Olympics, eh?

But, the page-turning will not be just a piece of fluff.

The editor has noted that the bio will not only take a foray into normal aspects of his childhood, but also take an insightful glimpse into the heart-wrenching experience of being raised by a single mother.

Phelps will also discuss what it was like to cope with an attention deficit disorder.

Where do I order a copy?

Michael Phelps in Vogue...

Michael Phelps...gay gossip inspires quote. It's a guy thing!

Rumor and speculation abound...


A couple of days ago I penned a post noting that a sports writer at the TIMES was hinting that Olympic Swimmer - Michael Phelps - might be gay.

Shortly thereafter, the Internet was all a-buzz with speculation.

Today, Kevin Van Valkenburg (a sports writer) asserted for the record that - not only is Phelps straight - but that he has a girlfiend.

However, Kevin poohed poohed suggestions by TMZ that the woman in question was a fellow swimmer.

After a clever cat 'n mouse game, the columnist finally concluded by espousing a philosophical message which I perceive as the quote of the day:

"Some things in a guy's life deserve to be kept private."

He got that right.

Like, what kind of condoms he uses. And - in particular - whether he springs for premium-size latex or "one size fits all".

Yeah, quite a few guys hang in the humbler category.

Then, there's the issue of lovemaking. A woman should never disclose that he likes it doggie-style or missionary-style - or even if he likes to talk dirty - when he gets down 'n nasty.

And, it's a definite no-no to talk about the size - um - grandeur (or lack thereof) of his man tool.

Don't want to give him a Napoleon complex, do 'ya?

By the way, guys - if you ever decide to check out your best buddy (at the urinal, in the locker room, or while showering) to fathom what he's got hanging between his muscular limbs that turns the women (or guys) on - just remember one thing.

Not all studs are "showers".

Uh-huh. Some dudes are "growers".

While flaccid, a regular Joe may look like his co** is the size of a church mouse's.

But, once aroused, his "Johnson" may turn into a roaring monster.

Yup.

That's how legends are born!

If it doesn't fit, you can't convict...

Michael Phelps...gay? Writer Bill Plaschke at LA TIMES as subtle as Elephant!

Plaschke probes Phelps...


Well, at least LA TIMES writer - Bill Plaschke - didn't lament that Michael Phelps was a "dork" again in today's edition of the morning daily.

But, he continued with his bashing, nonetheless.

Paschke also appeared to be on a "fishing" expedition with a secret agenda in mind.

For instance - he made a point of noting that the Olympic Gold Medalist was close to his "mom" - but estranged from his father.

At this juncture, he wondered if Phelps had a girlfriend. And, if so, who she was.

Plaschke, you have all the subtlety of an elephant stampeding through daisies.

Are you hinting that Michael may be gay?

Is that it? Do you have the hots for the Olympic champion?

Obviously - when they hired Plaschke at the LA TIMES - they were scraping the bottom of the barrel.

In the future, I'll turn to more discerning news outlets for sports updates.

The sports section at the TIMES does make for a good lining for the kitty litter box, however.

Meow!!!

Phelps photo stirs up Plaschke's erotic funny bone...

Michael Phelps...TIMES writer Bill Plaschke takes jabs at Olympic Swimmer!

Winners all...



As the world celebrates a remarkable victory by Michael Phelps at the Beijing Olympics yesterday, LA TIMES' writer - Bill Plaschke - continues to take negative potshots at the Olympic Champion.

As I noted in a post yesterday, Plaschke called Phelps a "dork".

Today, he continued with his negative jabs at America's darling.

First, for some inexplicable reason, he found it necessary to knock the swimmer by noting that he was busted for a DUI once.

If that wasn't disagreeable enough, he proceeded to not only make reference to a "broken" wrist in the past but - inferred somehow - that behind the incident some dark secrets hid in the shadows yet to be revealed.

To top it off, he made fun of a moustache that Phelps once sported.

Then, he summed up by asserting that Phelps was "still a dork."

Obviously, Plaschke is jealous of Michael Phelps!

Notwithstanding, Plaschke is undoubtedly one of those demented individuals who has to tear other people down in order to raise himself up.

When the hack writer at the daily looks in the mirror in the morning, though, he is faced with an ugly sight.

Staring back at him is the face of a man who never wrote the great American novel or received any accolades (or respect) from his peers.

Of course, when I talk about recognition - I mean from serious literary critics - not from incestuous clubby organizations who think they know what writing is all about.

He also has to reconcile the fact that he has stolen ideas from other writers in order to keep his own creative juices flowing.

Yes, I have proof!

As to Phelps, he has the grace to turn the other way.

That's the difference between a good sport and a bad one.

As the world honors a great athlete today, in social circles around the country, Americans are talking in disgust about Bill Plaschke.

Loser!

Milorad Cavic...cocky contender. And, Monday-morning Quarterbacking!

Superman didn't get off the ground...


If he had to challenge Michael Phelps to a repeat of the controversial Butterfly competition in the "cube" at the Beijing Olympics again, cocky Milorad Cavic swears that Phelps would go down.

Yeah, sounds like a lot of "Monday" morning quarterbacking to moi!

He's not only a spoil sport - but a sneak - too.

According to his team mates, they learned this weekend that Cavic was logging extra practice runs - and surreptitiously pursuing strenuous work-outs on the sly - without their knowledge.

Yeah, the Serbian upstart - a serious contender, mind you - was bent on besting Phelps, and likewise, snatching away the Baltimore kid's golden moment in the sun.

If had his druthers - the win he fantasized about inside his calculating head - wouldn't be based on a stroke of luck, either.

Oh no - he'd prefer to be recognized for nabbing the coveted prize - based on smarts, tenacity, and top-notch competitive skills.

But, along the way, there was a hefty price tag for the notion.

The Olympic hopeful - for one - was allegedly tormented from fellow swimmers who correctly accused,

"He was just too overjealous".

'Ya know what happens when you get over-excited in a clinch, right?

Yeah, you blow your load!

Clearly, Cavic had the capacity to seize the day, but there was a serious oversight on his part in one regard.

The scenario the young gun did not figure on?

The Serbian wasn't favored by the Gods.

What's a boy to do?

Grin, and bear it.

After all, there will be other competitions in the future, and ample opportunity to etch his name in the annals of Sports History.

Haywood Hale Broun once said,

"Sports do not build character. They reveal it."

Beijing Olympics...lesbian trysts at games?

Dykes on Bikes put McCain's Hell's Angels to shame...


Last night I was checking blot stats at the Word Press site and was startled to encounter a curious - but amusing - "search" engine term - "sexual trysts of female swimmers at Olympics" - that a web surfer inputted to apparently locate an article on my blog.

Well, now.

In recent days I penned a post about Amanda Palmer's penchant for Lipstick Lesbians.

And, I reported on the controversial news report about LAPD Chief William Bratton landing in hot water for speculating that Lindsay Lohan was now pitch-hitting for the Isle of Lesbos.

Yup - "Dykes on Bikes" - were also featured in all their raunchy bravado a scant few weeks ago when the festive Gay Pride Parade rolled into gay gulch in West Hollywood.

I even contemplated an insider look at the secret passions of Lesbian Sumo wrestlers in the far East.

Just tugging on your bra straps on that one, folks!

There haven't been any salacious tales about bulked-up lesbo water nymphets splashing about in the "cube" nude at midnight under a romantic Chinese night sky rife with intoxicating perfumed smog, though.

In fact, there hasn't been a hint of such a scandal, to my knowledge.

But, now that I am keen on the fact "Enquiring" minds are intrigued at the possibility, I'll get on it.

Later!

Rainbow colors hint at sexual persuasion...

Michael Phelps...LA TIMES' Bill Plaschke calls Olympic swimmer "Dork". A**hole!

Studly swimmer causes hearts to flutter...


I was taken aback bright and early this morning when I was perusing the morning daily - the Los Angeles Times - and came across a snotty remark writer Bill Plaschke made about Olympic Gold Medalist, Michael Phelps.

In his report on Phelps' near-miss for the "gold" last night at the Beijing Olympic games, he snarked:

"When America remembers how a dorky Baltimore kid once devoured the Olympics, this is what they will remember."

Dorky?

Get real, Plaschke.

A cashier at Gelson's said it succinctly this morning when she excitedly gushed,

"He's the man."

In contrast, when historians sift through old news clips of the Olympic competitions in Beijing, they'll recall that Bill Plaschke was a hack writer with a jaundiced view on life.

A**hole!

Michael Phelps...lucky No. 7. Gold Strikes again for Olympic Hero!

Through the eyes of the cube...


Although Serbian swimmer Milorad Cavic was gliding to the finish, just inches from the gold, Michael Phelps turned out to be the little engine that could.

One more powerful stroke thrust him forward and on to victory.

But up-close onlookers couldn't help but crack a smile or two. It was a bit of a crash landing, after all.

Although his hand smacked into the wall of the pristine "cube" - a last surge of athletic prowess splashed Phelps into Olympic history - to tie Mark Spitz' long-standing record.

But, the grasp for the Gold trinket did not come easy, after-the-fact.

In the wake of a win that was literally snatched out of the clutches of his fierce competitor, the Serbians were so fired up by the biting scenario, that they filed a protest with Olympic Officials so that the governing body could review the video-tape down to the 10-thousandth of a second.

Spoil sports!

And, even as Phelps powered his way to a dramatic finish, a stream of anxious thoughts continued to swim inside his pretty little head.

"I was starting to hurt a little bit with probably the last 10 meters, Phelps said. "That was my last individual race, so I was just trying to finish as strong as I could.”

Phelps’ time was 50.58 seconds - not a world record - but a glorious win nonetheless in view of all the theatrics.

The Baltimore lad has now matched Spitz’s performance in the 1972 Olympic Games (Munich).

Spitz remained quite sports-man-like about the whole turn-of-events.

In fact, he sang the praises of the young Olympic swimmer, earlier this evening.

Without hesitation, Spitz asserted that Phelps was not only the greatest swimmer of all time, but the greatest Olympian of all time, too.

Phelps will return on Sunday to swim in the final event which is a butterfly leg on the 400 medley relay.

If the number eight is as auspicious as the Chinese allege it to be - hopefully - the eighth race on Beijing's home turf will prove to be a lucky experience for Phelps, too.

The world will be tuned in (on the edge of their wide-screen seats) and - just maybe - pi**ing their pants in anticipation of a glorious crowning finale to a week that has been awesome, to say the least!

Michael Phelps...Hate him! I cut ice cream...

Phelps lean mean killing machine...


Day before yesterday - I noted in passing on a blog post - that Olympic Medalist Michael Phelps appeared to have very little body "fat" on his trim muscular frame.

A day later, the Phelps' camp revealed to the press that the athlete actually gobbles down about 12,000 calories a day!

Because of all the strenuous work-outs and practice runs, the handsome swimmer laughingly jibed that the carbs just melt off his swimmer's bod.

"I can eat anything," he boasted.

I knew there would be something I hated about the guy!

I just cut Häagen-Dazs ice cream and mouth-watering pastries from my diet to stop a spare tire from buoying me up.

But, Phelps - astoundingly - manages to wolf down a five-egg omelet, three chocolate chip pancakes (this boy knows how to live!), a bowl of grits (always hated 'em), and an order of French Toast slathered with a sugary white-powder topping.

Swimming in Maple Syrup, I expect!

That's just breakfast, fellas.

Come dinnertime, Phelps sets his sights on a whole pizza, which he teams with a tasty packet of delicious pasta. With Lots of high-calorie Italian sauce, no doubt!

But, let's face it, age has a bit to do with it.

Twenty-somethin' guys (Phelps is 23) generally burn off calories in a nano-second. In fact - young guns can demolish two-for one pizzas with double cheese and sausage, a thirty-two ounce big gulp, and top it off with garlic bread and wings - without packing a paltry pound.

But, when a male hits thirty, watch out.

Chances are - most men will need to start up a health regimen at that ripe old age - that may include a jog around the park two or three times a week, some lap-time at the pool, and a bit of judicious food selection at the nightly dinner table.

In fact - every ten years - the body metabolism slows down.

So, "forty" and "fifty" are markers that will pack a whollop to the stud who was used to breezing through life lean and mean.

People are constantly amazed when they learn how old I am.

But, honestly, I work hard at it.

If I am going to whip down to my Calvins and hop in the sack, I don't want to be embarrassed, 'ya know?

So - whenever possible - I fast-walk instead of driving to a location. And, if time and access permit, I spring for a leap up or down the stairs instead of zoning out on the elevator.

And, there are at least three rigorous trips to the gym each week.

I also gave up chomping on three square meals a day, too.

In the alternative, I "graze".

I snack on small morsels of nutritious food throughout the day - and this is the key - only when I am hungry.

For the most part, I am in tip-top shape.

And, the benefits are great.

Occasionally - I am flattered when I am asked to show I.D. at the liquor store - or a trendy nightclub in West Hollywood.

And, attractive young cuties are constantly hitting me up for a date.

Now, let's hope a particular body part keeps functioning well.

I'm a little young for Viagra yet!

My man-tool has a little pride, 'ya know?