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Showing posts with label E Entertainment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label E Entertainment. Show all posts

Monday, January 3, 2011

Kendra Show...Eddy comes out! Gay is OK!








Were fans of the Kendra reality show going to be thrust onto a roller-coaster ride of emotions last night - alongside Eddy - once he opened up his yap and confided to his parents that he was gay?

As it turned out - no!

There were a truckload of anxiousnail-biting moments lurking in the wings, however.

The first scenes of the entertaining reality show unfolded innocently enough.

When Kendra dropped Eddy off at the home of his parents for a previously-arranged dinner date in the sedate suburbs - the thought of "coming out" at long last - wasn't necessarily on the top of his "to do" list.

When push came to shove (wrong choice of phrases perhaps?) - an old Greek proverb must have jumped into Eddy's mind for some inexplicable reason - though.

Carpe Diem.

Roughly translated?

Seize the day!

Eddy gushed to Kendra later in the evening - after he "came out" successfully -  that a serious case of the willies just about blew it on each occasion the opportunity arose to blurt out the truth about his sexual orientation to his parents.

For example, in one heart-to-heart - when his Mom asked him if he'd met anyone special - instead of jumping in like a dirty shirt - he passed on the opportunity to open the flood gates.

I suspect that when Kendra's outgoing pal hesitated a bit during the course of the low-key conversation with his mother - that his loss for words now-and-then - signalled that something was up to the intuitive woman.

You know what they say.

A mother always knows!

The producers heightened the drama somewhat for the viewers at home (tugged at their heart strings) by facilitating a couple of potent story-telling devices that succeeded in setting up a cliff-hanger that was tough to turn away from.

It packed a wallop, alright.

Instead of cutting-to-the-chase after the initial ground work was laid out, for instance, the surprising plot twist

When Eddy finally blurted out that he was gay , for instance, there was a dramatic pause as the skilled camera-man panned around to capture a reaction shot that was priceless.

The earth literally stood still for a moment or two before she uttered up her response calmly.

"We knew, dear," she confided tenderly.

Funny that!

Why is that the individual "coming out" is always the last to know?

At this juncture, Kendra and Eddy trotted off to the Fiesta Cantina for an exotic drinkie-pooh to celebrate "out-ness".

In episode two, I expect Eddy jets off to New York City to rustle up a sugar daddy.

Do I see a sequel to "Midnight Cowboy" far off on the silver screen?

Stay tuned!

http://www.thetattler.biz/





Love that once dare not say its name
Now, won't shut up!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Julian Ayrs 3rd Annual 10 Worst-Dressed / Best-Dressed Men (2010)...Tom Brady, Adrien Brody, Justin Timberlake, et al!


 


A nod to Mr. Blackwell!








Style, it's that - not the clothes - that make the man or woman!

When a fashionista strolls into a high-profile soiree - it's important that the casual observer give the nod when a stylish mission has been accomplished.

There's nothing worse than a man-about-town - or a stylish gal, either - appearing in public like they've just been shoddily-tossed together.

Here is a sampling of folks in the limelight who pulled off the tricky task admirably - and a handful of fashion ruffians - who missed the mark by a country-mile!




TEN WORST-DRESSED MEN
(2010)


Tiger Woods



 
Though his iron reputation has stirred up a lot of frenzied attention behind-closed-doors - on the green - Tiger's beige image has left a lot to be desired in fashion circles.

 Indeed!

The publicity still of Woods featured above underscores that he's inclined to lean towards an image that's all pimp (with no primp).

No wonder the fallen golf pro seeks out sex workers (a preferred tag used to describe prostitutes and cash-on-the-barrel highly-paid escorts in Canada and elsewhere) for intimate after-hours company.

Tiger's taste runs the gamut - from boring golf "T's" and Mommy dress slacks - to khaki's and blood red Polo shirts.

Consequently, the athlete has failed to cut any distinctive swath worthy of singling out.

In a nutshell - the fallen Sports hero is in dire need of a jolt of designer juice - if he hankers for a fashion comeback.

 
Russell Brand




A male rag doll - flitting about in a riot of fashion get-ups - who can't help but trigger a flurry of stylish scorn around the country.
Brand's old "College Try" gamble amounts to fashion oblivion.

In fact - a ghastly array of off-beat fabrics, wild musings, and truckload of unsightly wrinkles and folds - cry out (rightly so) that the tired old celeb has become stylishly unhinged.


Gene Simmons

 

 
Though I admire the aging Rocker's longevity - and his impeccable taste in sexy sirens (like tweet pal Shannon Tweed) - unfortunately the almighty kiss-of-Death has a broken-down image when it comes to being a suave man-about-town.

In fact - the infamous front man for KISS (a dinosaur band from a bygone Ice Age) - tends to strut down easy street in a handful of off-the-wall ensembles that are simple and straight-forward in their lament:


"Stale!  Old hat!"


Bold attempts to spark up his "look" with a wink and a bling have fallen flat after-the-fact.


Go figure!


In goofy outfits - like those featured above - the throaty crooner ends up generating more shits and giggles than anything else worth tittering about in recent days.


Poor Shannon!

What we have here is a failure to communicate any semblance of mojo or even one sparkling fashion gene.


Hire a style Guru, Mr. Simmons!

 
David Hasselhoff



 
Judging by the way the "HOFF" wears his heart on his sleeve - the former soap stud is obviously inclined to get in touch with his feminine side - now-and-then.


As Justin Bieber might quip:

"Oh! Baby Baby Baby!"

Although adorned in diamonds and silk (and on occasion sparked up with a dollop of sexy lace trim) Hasselhoff only succeeds in sadly turning up "Hoffy" - or in the snarly alternative - plain puffy.

Boo Hoo!

Darling, it's time to fight off the inner demons.

David - handsome is as handsome does - after all.


Al Pacino




A scraggly little bird squawks out loudly.

"Heh!  Me a style setter?"

When Pacino trots down the red carpet - he does so - without an ounce of zest or originality.


Imagine that - a die-hard New Yorker - without a clue about how to stylishly feather his cap!

In fact, the celebrated actor has just one fashion reality, and it's a snap to fathom.


In sum, the Godfather's favorite son has a style gauge so out-of-whack, that it baffles the sensibilities.

Johnny Depp





 
A swirl of eccentric fashion ensembles - swimmingly underscore - that the 21 Jump Street escapee has yet to mature into a man-about-town worthy of the title.
Depp is an aimless tornado of - wild whims, strident missteps, and stylish taboos - who (not surprisingly) has been relegated to the realms of aging Lotharios in recent days.

A mere tourist, in fact, in plaid!


Johnny Boy - those self-indulgent scarfs that strangle (and jaunty hats that wobble) - should be given the old heave-ho.


Or, right to the gang-plank thee go, Mate!


Brad Pitt







Though singled out as "best-dressed" in the heady past - Pitt's collection of designer threads have been packed away in the closet of late - where they brim with dusty memories (unfortunately for his steady squeeze, Ms. Jolie).

Age may be a factor, Mr. Pitt.

On a recent outdoors splash - Pitt's "look" (knee-high kick-ass boots and leather pants) - cried out: "too" frisky.

For a fortyish male to sport in polite society, for starters!

In fact, the phrase "rough trade" sprang to mind when I caught sight of Angelina's better-half  amidst a blaze of blinding flash bulbs and straining paparazzi.



Chaz Bono



 
A surgeon's precise knife is not always capable of transforming a hefty female into a virile man-shape - replete with movable parts - in a bold-faced effort to effect a mucho-macho image.

Sadly - Cher's offspring Chaz (aka Chastity) - has underscored the undeniable fact splendidly.

On Bono - lesbian-style suits, a Supreme Court Justice's conservative blousey-style shirts, and sensible shoes - hammer home the point with certainty.

A quick gander at Mr. Bono - and his current lover - dredge up the obvious and the curious.

Cher's darling son is obviously a femme butch with an definite leaning towards a demented Mother fixation.


Surely - the fact that Chaz's girlfriend looks a lot like the Cher - hasn't escaped my reader's observations!

Who knew?

 
Prince Van AnHalt




 
Riding Boots and new-fangled off-the-wall takes on leather suspenders (Larry King eat your wife out) scream out B-list fashion alien.


Tweeds, bulky sweaters - even plain-Jane baseball caps fashioned in bulls-eye red - single out the fact without question or doubt.


Zsa Zsa should get wise for a number of reasons, if not just for the sake of appearance.


Invest in a Chauffeur's monkey suit, darlink!


Then, the old Royal (?) could double as both driver and Male escort.

 
Billy Bob Thornton

 


 
Screw-ball fashion quirks extend way beyond the make-shift layers - and resonate in confusion - when die-hard fans and film buffs alike catch a glimpse of Billy bonkers in fashion action.


If there is one endearing personality flaw - well - what is it?

Billy is a clothes-horse eccentric with no taste, for starters!
 
Regis Philbin



 
An aging show-biz trooper who got "old".

Rege?

The seasoned (salt & pepper clown) is stuffy and fussy and - just betcha - probably smells of hand-soap when encountered in the round or in the mensroom .

And, there's plenty in the round underneath there, to be sure .

Star Jones must have gifted the whirling dervish - with a bargain-basement packet of "Old Spice" toiletries for X-mas - don't 'ya think?

In view of his salty demeanour?

Splash it on lightly, Philly baby!

Larry King




A hodge-podge of unfashionable wardrobe silhouettes - where wide & dreary starched suspenders on vivid solid-based backgrounds - scream out for the Fashion Police pronto!

No wonder the persistent gent (from a golden heyday) got the hook from picky CNN Network Brass.

The men in suits at the studio probably uttered up sound advice when the pink slip was issued too.

"Larry!  You've got a great face for radio!"

 
Ten Best-Dressed Men
(2010)


Mark Steinnes





Mark sports sharp stylish suits, correctly-knotted silk ties, and flaunts nifty flourishes to spark up his distinctive "look".

His casual attire tends to be fresh, breathes with zesty enthusiasm, and bolsters a trim muscular physique.

The Entertainment Tonight front man is a fierce contender - therefore - for top dog broadcaster on a Nightly Entertainment magazine show.

Because of a flair for the sensual that attracts women - one is inclined to wonder aloud - is the manly cutie gay perchance?



Johnny Mathis






A mature man (70's) who continues to dazzle his fans on stage and off.

In fact, Johnny exudes confident chic in well-coordinated ensembles (elegant sweaters, understated dress slacks, cool top-of-the-line windbreakers) that resonate with timeless appeal without fail.

At the local market - Mr. Mathis squeezes the fruit and vegetables for freshness - along with the likes of moi and down-to-earth neighbours.

Uh-huh.

No man is an island!


Justin Timberlake





A fop and fashionable celebrity - comfortable in his role as an influential clothes-horse - for starters.

By the way - jaunty hats, eye-catching vests, and trend-setting mainstays are coordinated expertly - too.

Each stylish step forward is about to culminate - and ultimately - open the door to a signature collection of designers clothes.

A little bird told me!


Usher





For a Pop Icon, Usher is surprisingly on top when it comes to controlled fashion clashing.


Layered looks are especially flattering on his trim lean frame.


In fact, Usher boasts a stylish versatility most dudes would be wise to warm up to at home - or abroad - wherever.



Denzil Washington




Comfortable in - leather, jeans, and sweaters that all hug the bod snugly - Denzil is obviously the envy of less-fortunate fellows.

When the occasion calls for it, he'll don a pricey suit, with accessories that spark up the look.

Never over-the-top - he's an actor's actor - with a keen sense of style worth adopting.



Ryan Seacrest





Ryan has a flip outgoing personality - typical of those on the DJ circuit - with an extra dash of fashion savvy to boot (classy).

Though wise to the all-important image - and and ever-mindful of appropriate etiquette in career environs  - Seacrest is also capable of letting-loose after-hours in appealing with-it wardrobe choices that compliment his still-youthful spot-lighted persona.

No fashion disaster lurking in the wings to topple this fella!

Justin Bieber





Though just a teen - always-confident "Bieb" struts into the limelight - with a lot of flair and noticeable fanfare.

Why not?

The kid's got the world by the ba**s!

An eclectic mix of - Hollywood glitter, street-wise fashion smarts, and red-carpet musings - have catapulted the talented young heart-throb into the dizzying realms of fashion darling status.

Striking a provocative pose - while strumming a guitar - didn't hinder the lad's ability to launch his sizzling hot career into the stratosphere either.

Chic jackets in buttery-smooth leather - teamed with eye-catching tee's etched in sensual free-flowing patterns and sturdy quality shoes - are his signature style.

But, in recent days, stylish adventures have signalled the lad may be a fashionista to reckon with.

Heh, take Abercrombie & Fitch notes, Jonas brothers!



Jimmy Fallon






Boyishly dapper! 

A flirtatious host - instinctively keen about drawing an all-important invisible line between a man and his castle - and the boys in the band.

In addition, Fallon continually demonstrates a knack for mixing-and-matching - especially when it comes to tricky monochromatic hues that render a posse of ambitious dudes SOL at the finish line.

A Court Jester of sorts - who not only knows which side of the bread to butter - but the cost of jam in the scheme of things.

So, the perky talk-show host smartly spiffs up, when on-camera.

A leader of the well-heeled pack - sure to reach loftier social climbs - and ultimately realize the good life!



Tom Brady






Having a super model on his pumped-up arm hasn't hurt Brady's image or crimped his style - that's for sure!

And - any tips on fashion offered up - have obviously not fallen on deaf ears.

Although the handsome grid-iron celeb has wandered - from season-to-season - he's managed to avoid fumbling the ball or becoming a spectacle in the coveted limelight.

The popular quarterback is at home in designer jeans (he fills 'em out well), chic leather jackets, and casual T's.

But, is also a style maestro to reckon with, at any social event or red-carpet event.

Tailored dress shirts, elegant ties, and delightful manly accents - bootstrap Tom up - with fashionable ease.


Adrien Brody




When it comes to style the Oscar-winning actor has it in spades.

High-end casuals in rich colors and exotic fabrics - crafted by designers of note in the U.S. and Europe - are a shoe-in for Brody who has become known as a clothes-horse.

If only the backers of his films would pay up so he can afford to play the fashion game!



Special Category

 
Best Un-Dressed Man

Jake Gyllenhaal



Taylor Lautner - while buffed and a sexy toy-boy cut-out - didn't land a nod for the special Best-Dressed Un-Dressed category.

Nor could Ryan Gosling - though a pretty male cutie (a trifle skinny in some departments) - who didn't bother to throw any caution to a producer's wicked on-camera whims.

Jake Gyllenhaal - without much sweat - nabbed the title of the "Best Dressed ' Un-Dressed" due to his seductive surly presence in not one - but two - revealing celluloid offerings:

"Love & Other Drugs" & the "Prince of Persia".

As the Elvis lyric goes:

"A hunka-hunka burning love!"

I'd cast the stud as - houseboy, gigolo, or International jet-set playboy - at the drop of a jockstrap!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Ellen DeGeneres...shameless promotion! Chelsea Lately gets a**y-face with dog...




Ellen turning into a woofer!



Will success spoil Rock Hunter - or - Ellen DeGeneres for that matter?

Usually, when I tune in to the perky talk-show host's afternoon show, Ellen is all sweetness and light.

And, the content - an hour or so of entertaining fluff - pretty harmless for the most part.

So, I was taken aback when the "aw-shucks" down-to-earth stand-up comic made a tasteless commercial pitch to guest Chelsea Lately.

Chelsea, who hosts a show featuring her own personal brand of humor on E Entertainment, was sharing an amusing tale about a dog she adopted (that otherwise would have been put to sleep) had she not stepped forward to provide shelter.

"I didn't have a dog for the same reasons I didn't have babies. I don't like feeding 'em or cleaning up after 'em, " she lamented with a look of smug satisfaction on her pretty face.

But, the experience of owning a pet warmed her heart a tad.

For instance, in spite of the fact she imagined she'd never be the kind of individual to allow an oversized dog into her comfy bed at night, Chelsea confessed the little charmer won her over.

In about two seconds flat the pouch was hopping up onto the bed snuggling up.

"But, it wasn't what I expected. I thought he'd curl up and put his hang-dog face next to mine," she giggled in so many words.

Fat chance!

After he did a little helicopter whirl around the bed once or twice, he flopped down, and thrust his a** right in her face!

The ultimate compliment, Chelsea!

Can 'ya hear me snickering?

Now, excuse me, while I throw up at the thought.

But, what really irked me yesterday, was the tasteless promotional plug that followed.

"Chelsea, I have some gifts for you," Ellen teased.

From a hiding-place nearby, the comic scooped up a dog collar and presented it to a surprised Chelsea.

"I have something else for you, too," the out-host excitedly piped up.

At this juncture, Ellen made a pitch for a product she sponsors.

"You know, Chelsea, I have a line of pet food. So, I put together a gift basket."

When a gofer strode out with a pretty basket chock full of dog food (and pet treats) Chelsea was speechless understandably.

Embarrassed for Ellen, perhaps?

It was such a shameless promotion, after all.

As Chelsea sat stone-faced for a second, Ellen made a pitch to the audience.

"It has a lot of nutritional value and the brand is good for your dog," she chirped with all the charm of a snake-oil salesman.

Don't they pay her enough at the Network?

Ellen, don't lower yourself, please!



Friday, June 5, 2009

Kendra Wilkinson...said what? Playboy flavor of the month...


Silky, smooth & "tat"-less is "in" for summer


I was stretched back on the bed - bored stiff and fiddlin' about 'ya know - when I caught the tail end (no pun intended) of the Chelsea Lately talk show on Cable TV's E! Entertainment.

Luscious Playboy babe, Kendra Wilkinson, was plugging her upcoming reality show (slated to pop up for breathy broadcast in the next time slot on E! Entertainment that night), so (lazy dude that I am) I passed on a grab for the remote and settled back instead on a comfy batch of fluffy pillows with an ice-cold jug of mud slide in hand.

Call it a working man's holiday.

I was basically tuned in to familiarize myself with the genre (!) so I'd have a bit of fodder at my disposal for upcoming off-beat tidbits of satire I may be inclined to pen for my blog on the vagaries of the biz (and loose women).

At the top of Kendra's show, the perky blond bimbo proceeded to sashay about her celebrated digs, then mindlessly dabbled in a bit of - um - interior decorating.

To set the artistic sensibilities of her viewers straight, I expect!

After wrinkling up her nose at a handful of blow-up posters of Playboy Bunnies beckoning this way 'n that on the surrounding walls at the Hef estate, little Miss Kendra proceeded to utter up an acid quip.

"These models were all shot in the eighties," she lamented aghast to a couple of bodacious beauties hanging on her every syllable.

Without much subtlety or class, she added with a sly smile:

"There's more bush than thong."

It's going to be an eye-opening experience on reality TV this summer, folks.

Just 'ya wait 'n see!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

West Hollywood Halloween Carnaval...the wild 'n kinky party of the year!



In this neck of the woods, local thrift shops are packin' in excited masqueraders, in search of the perfect accessories for their titillating costumes, for West Hollywood's much-anticipated annual Halloween Carnaval party extravaganza, October 31st. (2008 Gay Edition)

Of course, the annual event is a show-stopper in the Los Angeles lower mainland.

The main street in "Boys Town" will be shut down to traffic to accommodate the two or three hundred-thousand costumers expected to hit the ghoulish trail.

According to MTV and E Entertainment, on the spirited occasion - the little city that could - throws the wildest bash of the year on the hippest square mile on the planet.

There will be three stages featuring live entertainment - enough to rock anyone's world - including the much celebrated costume contest stage, where starry-eyed hopefuls can strut their stuff before the teaming masses!

A number of the clubs will be featuring parties.

This year, Chi Chi La Rue's wild outrageous soiree at HERE LOUNGE is sure to be packed to the cobwebbed rafters and rife with studly boys and a gaggle of ubiquitous gay celebrities toasting cocktail glasses and dancing the spooky night away to the wee hours of dawn with carefree abandon.

Chelsea Handley - star of "Chelsea Lately" on "E" - will be ceremoniously crowned the "Queen of the Carnaval" along with her assistant Chuy ("King of the Carnaval") at the Coronation of the Queen *& King which begins at 9 p.m. on the "Bat Stage."

The honorary title of "Queen" and "King" is a highlight at the Carnaval, with the coronation taking place in front of more than 250,000 anticipated revelers this year.

Costume Contest
The quest for the most creative, outrageous and original Halloween costumes in Southern California will take place on Halloween night—right on Santa Monica Boulevard—during the West Hollywood Halloween Carnaval on Friday beginning at 6 p.m.

Unlike in previous years, there will be no pre-qualifying contests in local bars the week before Halloween. Instead, anyone in costume on Santa Monica Boulevard on Halloween night will be a potential finalist for the Costume Contest.

A team of "secret" Halloween judges will be walking up and down Santa Monica Boulevard beginning at 6 p.m. and handing out wristbands that will qualify 20 contestants for the Costume Contest finals at 10 p.m. that evening on the "Bat Stage" located on the corner of Santa Monica Boulevard and San Vicente Boulevard.



So, if you want to get noticed, dress to impress.

Costume Contest finalists will be vying for the $1000 Grand Prize; $500 Second Place Prize and $250 Third Place Prize.

So, get crackin' on that costume, eh?

For spectators, the perennial favs will be out in full garb; the West Hollywood Cheerleaders, for example, in their wild bouffant hairdos, careening roller-skates, and eye-catching red & white outfits (with tight-fitting sweaters stretched to the max so that over-size boobs can bob gloriously in the fray).

Any celebrity in the news will be fair game, of course!

I expect, there will be wicked, naughty, or just plain hilarious get-ups poking fun at Paris Hilton, Sarah Palin (no effigies please or Jeffrey Prang will getcha), John McCain, O.J. Simpson, you name it.

One year, I suited up as a cowboy. Ho hum!

Studly, yes. Exciting, no.

If I heard one more "Howdy partner" that night - I thought I would scream bloody-murder - or commit it!

The chaps chaffed, too.

Ouch!

Probably one of the most thrilling, sexiest costumes I ever donned, was hatched at the last minute.

Yeah, one dismal year I was going to beg off from the outdoor festivities to catch the show ringside at home (old age was creepin' in, I guess) - but, last minute - I snapped out of the deep funk and sprang into action.

With despair, I gazed into my sorry closet.

Nada.

But then, what did I spy?

Whoa, nellie!

A pair of boots, a felt fedora, and a slightly-wrinkled trenchcoat, beckoned.

Presto!

I tossed in a jockstrap and came up with a real party-pleaser/

A "Flasher".

Boy, in that impromptu get-up, I encountered the zaniest wildest gang of revellers in my entire Halloween-ie life!

No ***!

As I elbowed my way through the crowded clubs, bar-hoppers were prone to surreptitiously slip their bejwelled or hairy ice-cold hands under my topcoat to cop a feel, non-stop!!!

Or, in a sort-of "truth or dare" moment, offered me enticing beads if I would flash 'em right out there on the street!

Not only did I end up with a whopping set of jewels that year, but I nearly ended up with pneumonia, next day!

For years - I've been promising myself I'd train real hard and sculpt my physique to perfection weeks before the big event - so I could confidently strut down the street in a black speedo with glorious outstretched Angel wings to reveal a fabulous six-pack along with humungous pecs!

Well, guess I'll have to settle for "couch potato" this year!

Who knows? Maybe I'll meet up with the condiment of my dreams!

Heh, it's not as bad as one year.

On that occasion, I woke up next morning with a rabbit next to me in bed, and a lot of hair in my mouth!

Yeah, too many Zombies, go figure!

Sunday, April 27, 2008

America's Got Talent...MySpace invite to compete on the talent show! Win a million bucks.


So, ‘ya think you've got talent, kid?

Can you lick your nose with your tongue, or perform untold pretzel-twisting feats with your flamboyant flexible bod?

Just maybe, you can belt out a tune and touch the masses, not unlike the mesmerizing Paul Pots managed to in recent days?

If so, then sign up with MySpace to appear on the final taping of the musical entertainment extravaganza - "America's Got Talent" - and an opportunity to win a million bucks!

Here's what you have to do to be considered for an appearance on the hit talent show.

SEND A TAPE NOW
Don't delay or you'll miss the last call for videotape submissions.

FOLLOW THREE EASY STEPS
*Submit a 2-3 minute videotape of your act.
*The performance must be a "cover version" of a published tune.
*Make sure your entry is not an original song.

CONTEST RULES
*The show accepts VHS & DV tapes & DVDs only.
*No hi-8's or formats that need VHS adaptors allowed.
*Label the entry with name, address, and phone number.

SUBMISSION INFO
*Download and complete three forms:
*Eligibility Requirements * Casting Info Sheet *Release Form.
*Answer all questions.

WARNING
America's Got Talent will not view a tape unless the contestant has completed, signed, and enclosed the "Casting Info Sheet" and "Personal Release" form.

SUBMISSIONS
The Producers
America's Got Talent (Season 3)
3727 W. Magnolia Blvd.
#808
Burbank, CA 91505

Break a leg!


Judges kibbitz on sidelines...

Monday, December 17, 2007

Chelsea Lately...mean girl tart. Off-the-wall E Entertainment comedian...


The moon must have been - trine, or retrograde, or something - what with all the weird vibrations and screw-ball antics going on all 'round me.

As I channel-surfed at a fellow dude's digs around grub hour, I stumbled across a curious E Entertainment re-run - come lately or Chase somethin' - or other.

The show titillated me, somewhat!

My best bud noted that "Chelsea" (the hostess with the moistest) was one of those slutty Lindsay Lohan "mean girls".

Ah, it dawned on me now, why she was being so nasty to the guests!

Notwithstanding, on occasion - the dizzy, sexy, bimbo blonde babe - was prone to ask some pretty insightful hard-hitting questions as they squirmed in their comfy seats.

For starters, when VJ Logan - Smartest Model in America - sprawled down on the couch next to the show's host - Ben Stein - she poignantly asked,

"Do you have a lot of gay guys comin' on to ya?"

The handsome stud laughingly noted that having a brown belt was a prerequisite for a male model - not to hold up his tight, packed, faded jeans - but to deftly fight the limp-wristed dudes off.

I expect his initials - VJ - stand for "very jock".

One of his eyebrows was wandering off a little too much for my liking, though.

Yes, VJ was a bit too preened, for my tastes.

I guess he's what ya'd call a "metro sexual".

A friend of Ryan Seacrest, no doubt.

Ben Stein, silent 'til now, was probed further.

"So, tell me, how long have you and VJ (stands for very jock?) been married?"

On the heels of this dumb probe which elicited a pregnant pause, she continued.

"Seriously, folks, what is the point of determining if models are intelligent?"

Stein responded, rightly so.

"Well, you know, people want to know if good-looking people are smart."

Yeah?

Not me, I just lay 'em down and go at it, if you know what I mean!

Darn!

When VJ asked Chase - uh - Chelsea - if she'd like to see his chiseled abs, the perky hostess jumped at the chance to peek at his succulent tender flesh.

But, the show obviously was hindered by a stifling low-budget.

After all, when VJ thrust up his sweater, the camera failed to pan in.

In fact - when Chelsea stroked the gorgeous model's smoothe hard body - only she and VJ were privy to the sensual moment.

Can't afford a zoom lens, E?

Or, maybe VJ wanted a bump (more cash) to flash the bod naked on the idiot box?

In one odd-ball moment - well, she's inclined to slip into a few - Ms. Lately assured the audience she'd give Tom Cruise material a wide berth

"Cause he's probably got lawyers hangin' around inside the woodwork."

What a scandal.

When one guest made an off-the-wall remark about Marie Osmond, the mean girl softened a bit.

"Gee, if I made a negative comment about Donnie's sister, I'd feel like I attacked the American flag, or something."

Her gaggle of back-up side-kicks - a smidgen of comics - amounted to a handful of squirming worms.

No, they weren't clever or witty, not a bit funny ha-ha.

Well, one joke about a Mormon's six wives all having a headache one night, wasn't so bad.

But, when I realized the show was taped during the writer's strike, it was obvious the picket lines had taken their toll on the quality of the show.

In another "bit" - I guess it's what they used to refer to in TV's heyday as a comedy "sketch" - Lately asked an attorney how to defend herself in the event actor Scott Baio's penis ever slapped her in the face.

I swear, I'm not makin' this s**t up!

At this juncture, I flipped the dial!

Over at "Soup" (Greg Kinnear's previous gig) the camera was focused on a close-up shot of David Beckham on a couch in tight white undies - with shirt in a fly-away position - revealing fabulous rippled abs.

Suddenly, the soccer stud's crotch started to pulsate wildly!

Then, a frothy explosion of somethin' or other, ejaculated all over the place!

Becks - you do inspire fantasies - even among male hosts who doth protest too much!

I couldn't help but wonder at this point, what does "E" stand for?

"Erudite" Entertainment?
 
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